I Don't Support Aborting Disabled Fetuses

....but I'd support your decision to NOT have a disabled child. Any day of the week.

We all know my stance on abortion for myself. I had a slight pregnancy scare last month. I was prepared to go down to Planned Parenthood if needed. I had a friend ready to go with me for support.

I'm having an IUD placed this week. I don't want another scare and, with the new ACA rules, my insurance must cover one so, why not?

A group of friends and I were talking about abortions, birth control, periods, and men. (Super original) Someone brought up how Mike Pence (Trump's running mate) put in place a law banning abortions of fetuses with a disability. We all agreed that this was a terrible idea.

Let me be clear: I DO NOT think it is a great idea for a woman to abort a baby just because they have a disability. I completely understand that disabled people can have rewarding and fulfilling lives for themselves and their families. I understand this and I understand that people with disabilities have every right to live as anyone else.

I also understand that a woman and family have the right to decide if they are ready for the emotional, financial, and physical expense it takes to not only raise a child, but raise a child with a disability.

I have an interesting job. A job where I see people with disabilities and how it affects their lives and their families lives. I've seen people with a disability that hardly affects their daily life and I've seen some who's every activity from breathing, eating, and self-care must be performed by someone else. I've seen kids who were born with a defect that made them emotionally and developmentally unstable to the point where they need to be housed in a facility that can properly care for them.

I understand that there is a difference between someone being born with a disability and someone being injured and developing a disability. I've seen it financially ruin a family. I've seen it destroy emotional bonds between family members.

I've also seen the joy that kids, no matter what, bring to those who love them.

I don't want children. Never did. I understand that some people feel more fulfilled with children. I feel terrible that my body is capable of having children that I have no desire to have. Mostly because I know there are plenty of people who would love to welcome a child into their lives.  But, they can't. And I can't change that.

I will never, and I mean NEVER, judge someone who is aborting, or has aborted, a fetus because of a disability. I see it the same as a women who can't afford a child to start with getting an abortion. If a family wants to have a child but are not financially or emotionally prepared to care for the staggering needs of a child with a disability, then that is a choice they must make for themselves. Forcing medical expenses on a women or family is irresponsible. It creates an unnecessary burden on the family and the community.

We have the medical advancements to be able to tell if a fetus is in trouble in the womb. We have the ability to tell if the fetus will be viable or not. We can see if it will have a disability. What's the point of seeing if we are not able to be prepared for it or decide if it's something we can handle?

This will come across as the most crass thing that I will ever write: knowingly having a disabled child when you know you cannot afford it is a waste of community resources. Having any child, healthy or not, when you can't afford it, is irresponsible and a drain on our resources. Perhaps that speaks more to our country's healthcare system than to our morality but, there it is.

Taking away that choice from a family is one of the most terrible things I can think of. Trump and Pence are a dangerous duo and I hope beyond hope that America doesn't have the misfortune of seeing them take charge.

I'm not a huge fan of Hilary but I will happily vote for her, or anyone, who keeps those two monsters out of office and away from women's rights. Because they will destroy both.

My Heart Will Always Be Floridian

Sunday morning I woke up and dragged myself into the kitchen to take my vitamins. I then absently turned on my television, flopped on the couch, and opened Facebook on my tablet.

One of my high school friends who is a member of the LGBT+ community in Florida was commenting about a shooting that had taken place in Orlando. He had lived in O-town until very recently.

My T.V. was on some shitty local broadcasting of a animal educational show. I switched it to a news station. Maybe they would have a report on it.

Then my heart sank.

I instantly became glued to my seat watching George Stephanopoulos in horror. I could not fathom 20 people being shot and dozens wounded at a night club. A gay nightclub. On Latin night. I've been to gay clubs on Latin night. It is usually a very laid-back night for all. Some of the best nights of my life.

I didn't know the reason. Was it a fight that went WAY too far? Was it a terrorist attack? Was it a hate crime?

My boyfriend came out of the bathroom in time to see me silently weeping on my couch. I'm frantically looking through my Facebook friends list to make sure all my friends from home were safe. I can barely tell him what was happening. He eventually just sits next to me on the couch, rubbing my back in some sort of effort to comfort me, and joins in my astonishment watching the T.V. screen.

After 20 minutes I was finally able to verify that all my LGBT friends were safe. (Some of their friends weren't so lucky) But then the number on the screen shot up. George announced that the death toll was now 50 and 53 injured.

I wanted to scream. I might have. There may have just been an audible gasp. Whatever it was, I was devastated....

In 1993 my mother moved my sisters and me to Brandon Florida. A township just outside of Tampa. Meant to be a suburb of Tampa, Brandon eventually grew enough to be it's own little town. Mom had just gotten her first job with her brand new bachelor's degree. She was thrilled, nervous, and scared as hell about moving to a state where she literally had no family and knew no one.

I was pissed.

I HATED having to move to Florida. I was 8 when we moved there. It was literally 1 month before my birthday when we moved. I had no friends. It was summer vacation and we had to spend all of it moving. I couldn't even have a party. Everything was terrible. My life was ruined.

The sun was so hot. I would eventually get sunburnt so bad I couldn't move for days. (I may develop some form of skin cancer, I'm sure of it) The thunderstorms were stuff of nightmares and they were never ending. Hurricanes are coming and they are named. You don't remember 'the hurricane of 1992'. You remember Andrew. And he was a mean bastard. Humidity makes you question the existence of a loving god. Mosquitoes, lizards, snakes, alligators....everything wanted to eat you.

Mother. Fucking. Cockroaches.

Those sons-of-bitches would appear like some sort of evil Disney magic. Fairy God-Palmetto Bug. And just when you got brave enough to throw a shoe at it, the bitch would fly. Bibbity-Bobbity Fuck That!

I found one in my shoe once. After I took it off at P.E. I had walked on it all day. My teacher had me walk it outside and dump it out ...then come back in to play with the parachute. Gave me the lesson of always checking your shoes before putting them on.

Anyway, I hated the state when I moved there. As I grew up, met some friends, got involved with the community, learned how to avoid the local wildlife, I started to fall in love with the place. And it's quirks.

Brandon is 30 minutes from the coast line on the gulf side. Clearwater beach is my favorite one. It's where I go to get a tan when I go home. (I swear Denver is making me paler than an Irish newborn covered in milk)

Brandon is an hour and a half away from Orlando. Which means it's an hour and a half away from Disney Magic. Seriously, we went there so much I got a little bored of it. Field trips were to Disney. Grad Night was at Disney. Epcot taught me about the world. Family passes were always just a part of life. Disney parks, Universal Studios, Bush Gardens, Adventure Island. My childhood was ingrained with theme parks and water slides. Awesome.

Publix. The glorious heaven that is Publix. Its graced southern people for decades. You don't need any other grocery store. They have everything you need. Publix subs are the best sandwiches I have ever eaten. I once had a friend who was visiting Florida stop at a Publix and get me a sandwich before he flew back home. It was amazing.

Flip-flops. Everywhere. 'Nuff said.

Florida's wildlife may be trying to kill you but the people aren't (mostly). I truly miss the laid back attitude of Florida people. They aren't in a hurry. (It's too hot) They aren't stressed. (There is a beach and a daiquiri nearby...)  They aren't uptight. (Most everyone is in clothing made of linen and flip-flops. Life's good)

Most of them are just country people trying to get by. Do we get our share of crazy? Of course....plus some. 'Florida Man' is the best totally real/fictional character out there. And I love him. Whenever a friend of coworker here in Denver tells me a story they heard on the radio about 'Florida Man' I can usually counter with another one that I remember happening growing up.

And we make awesome food. Cuban food is my comfort food.

Seriously though. The Latin influence on my life is astounding. I know old country songs by heart, I can't speak a word of real Spanish, I'm as basic white girl as you can get........ but you set a plate of ropa vieja down in front of me with a side of fried plantains and, oh man! Watch me shame myself.

Spanglish is easier to pick up than real Spanish, too. Especially when it's being yelled at you from your high school boyfriend's abuela. And, club music with some reggaeton laid over it will always sound much better than some DJ throwing 'top 40' at you.

I didn't know how much the state meant to me until I left. My mother's side was never Floridian. They are good Kentucky people. But, my father's side of the family has been there since they came over from Scotland in the 1700's. My grandfather and I went to the same high school. It's pretty neat. Most of my father's family is still there. They always will be. It's a part of me.

Which leads me back to Sunday morning. Being almost 2,000 miles away from your home in a time of tragedy makes you anxious and start questioning why you left in the first place. The farther away I am the less useful I can be. All I could do is sit there and watch.

I watched a women plead for information about her son. I watched interviews with people who had escaped. I watched one news anchor after another try their damnedest to get through yet another report of a mass shooting in this country. I watched our president, once again, have to address the nation about another terror/mass shooting/high powered rifle attack on our people.

I watched feeling helpless.

But, I'm not helpless. I vote. I have a voice about this. I have the ability to study stats, study laws, study polls. I'm capable of standing up to the violence. I'm capable of saying that we no longer need assault weapons. We no longer need to coddle the 2nd amendment. It needs to be revised. Just like President Obama said, 'to actively do nothing is a decision.'

We also need to stop '#prayforOrlando'. We need to stop praying. Period. In the immediate wake of this massacre all I saw from religious people were 'our thoughts and prayer'...yada, yada, yada. GOD ISN'T FIXING THIS! And, the longer you spend on your knees talking to yourself, the more shit like this is going to keep happening.

Then, the hypocrite preachers started to rear their ugly heads. They came out to say that they are not sad that this happened. They are saying that they are sad more 'pedophiles and sodomites' didn't die. Some of my more religious friends didn't say anything. They did, however, immediately start blaming all Muslims. Something like, "Muslims are responsible for every terror attack on this soil and in other places around the world. Wake up America!" Funny how all Muslims to them are terrible based on a few yet, when a Christian goes 'rogue', they claim that they were never really Christian to begin with.

That's called a No True Scotsman argument, children. And it's a logical fallacy.

An attack was committed in Florida. Was it a terror attack or was it a hate crime?

Yes.

It was an attack on the LGBT+ community.
It was an attack on the Latin community.
It was an attack on my friends.
It was an attack on my home.

A gay nightclub is a place for the LGBT+ community to go for peace, fun, acceptance, and social needs. It's a place for them to forget their troubles and be free. It's supposed to be a safe haven. A place where they can be themselves because lord knows they can't be safe in the public streets.

Hearing and seeing so many people talking about how they are praying for the victims, survivors, and families pisses me off. Religious people is the only group of people who pushes for anti-LGBT laws. They are the only ones who teach their community that gay people are wrong or abominations. They actively try to block the LGBT lifestyle from everyday life and NOW they want to offer prayers?

Um, no. You don't get to pull out your religious nonsense in support of them when you have done nothing but oppress them. Religion and hate killed them. The last thing they need or want is more religion. Fuck off.

I'm equally disgusted at how quickly the NRA and pro-gun supporters were on the war path to defend their precious guns. Are you really more worried about your gun collection than human lives? Fuck off.

I no longer reside in Florida but it will always be my home. I will always defend it from people calling it 'America's Penis'. I will always root for the (Devil) Rays, Bucs (no matter how they suck), and FSU (fuck Gators). I will always prefer to go barefoot or in flip-flops than heels. I will always long for Publix, Bells, and some good Cuban bread to be close by. I will always watch storm after storm after storm hit  Florida and wish I was at the hurricane party that I KNOW is happening.

And, I will always support Florida, it's wackadoos, and it's culture. I was proud of how they came together when this tragedy hit. The lines outside blood banks, the people rushing water, food and umbrellas to the donors, the vigils. The community, even with it's flaws, is one of strength and courage. I'm proud to be a part of it.

My only hope is that this country stops, comes together, and with one voice says 'enough' to mass killings. Until that happens......I guess I'll just keep having to write long blog posts like this.

If you're not attracted to me that's A-OK

I'm so sick of the body shaming movement telling people that they don't have a right to their opinion.

I saw a post on imgur that was taken from Tumbler. (Maybe-I assume so b/c that's where you usually find this nonsense) The picture showed a big girl sans clothes on a subway train with the word 'beautiful' written all over herself.

Ok, fine. I'm glad she was proud of her body. That's a great step in becoming healthy in both mind and body. Loving yourself is very healthy.

But....sweetheart, you're practically naked on a subway train. Be proud of who you are but, there is a time and place for everything. Those people are trying to get along with their day and you made them part of your ridiculous, self-aggrandizing statement.

Tell me, again, how it's so empowering to love yourself by forcing the approval of those around you?

THEN, either the same girl from the Tumbler post put this on Twitter or someone took it and this happened:

What the actual FUCK is 'reverse rape'? Oh, ok. You cleverly spewed it in your post.

"Reverse-rape is the refusal to sexually engage w/women of the 'wrong body type' and is just as horrific as rape."

You slimy cunt.

How dare you?

I'm a big girl. I'm a big girl because I'm a lazy girl who likes over-processed foods. I also enjoy laying on my couch watching Netflix.

Know what that get's you? A big girl body.

And I like myself. I like who I am. But, I want to change some things about my physical appearance. So, I went out and got myself a Fitbit so I can monitor my exercise habits. I try to walk more and I'm trying to eat better.

But, I like me very much. My personality attracts lots of friends. I'm a very confident person and that attracted my S.O. to me. He likes the way I look. He supports me in getting healthy. He supports me when I dress nice and he loves me when I'm feeling disgusting.

But, if he didn't find big girls attractive would he still be attracted me? I don't know. Maybe he would still be attracted to my personality. That's his choice.

The point is, he's allowed to have his personal opinion on what he finds sexually attractive.

EVERYONE is allowed to BE or NOT BE attracted to whomever they want. How is this a difficult concept?

Someone being attracted to me is fine. Someone forcing them self on me because they are attracted to me when I'm not interested is NOT fine.

Someone not being attracted to me because of my physical appearance is fine. That is perfectly acceptable. I'm not sure when this became unacceptable???

I can't believe I have to clarify that for people. Why are we so open and accepting for the LGBT community to love who they want and try to punish others? This is nonsense.

And, all they (extreme SJW's) are really doing is making a mockery of real rape/sexual assault survivors and feminists. I will call you out on your bullshit and I will no longer tolerate this madness.

I went to Reason Rally and now I won't shut up about it

I laughed, I cried, I was pissed, and I was content. 

Penn Jillette introducing, and then performing with, Carolina Peña was a moving moment. 

Maryam Namazie literally brought me to tears with her empowered words. 

Ian Harris made me laugh with his story about how easy of a decision it was to not hit his kid. 

When the main mic went out and Paul Provenza, Lawrence Krauss, and Penn Jillette told their story about being 'interviewed' by Ray Comfort and crew I may have almost fallen out of my seat from laughter. 

The Rep from Hawaii, Tulsi Gabbard, calmed everyone down with her gentle words about 'aloha' and it's meaning. 

But, the biggest thing I'm taking away from this experience is that I truly am an atheist and I can NOT be ashamed of that. 

For years I have used the 'more polite' terms of secular humanist, agnostic, freethinker, etc. All of them are true, yes, but, as David Silvermen pointed out, all of them are 'cushion words' meant to soften the blow of the vile word 'atheist'. 

We need to get over our aversion to this word. We need to stop letting it be a scary word, a curse word, a whispered word. 

My main goal with becoming an atheist activist was to change the stereotype that the general populace has about us. We are not all anti-social, angry, black make-up wearing, online jerks that many think we are. (But, let's be honest, there are angry jerks out there...)

Personally, I'm so bubbly it can be annoying at times. I prefer to wear khakis as opposed to jeans. Dresses to pants. I still cry whenever I watch Love Actually. And, I LOVE talking to new people. It's one of the reasons I do so well at the Secular Hub. 

And, when I call myself an atheist proudly, I believe it helps take the sting out of the word. I've had little old church ladies proclaim "But you're so nice!" when they learn I'm an atheist. That's the reaction I want. I want someone's perception thrown. I want more and more people to meet and talk with atheists and know that they are good people. 

We can't do that when we hide. 

Banning Sharia Law

So, several months ago my brother-in-law posted a picture similar to this on Facebook:

I can't find his original post and I believe that must be because I pointed out to him how silly this was and he came to his senses. (I hope)

He had a few comments from others saying how they would support legislation to ban Sharia law in America. They were very adamant that they would never let this happen. Red-blooded-Americans-freedom-eagle-BBQ-guns-deep-fried-fireworks-McDonald's-Stars n' Bars-'Merica, FUCK YEAH kind of comments, you know what I mean?

Really?!?! Are you THAT dense?

And just today I read an article from Faux News about a sheriff in Tennessee that is being sued by a resident of his town and the American Atheists because he has been using his city Facebook page to promote his religion.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2016/05/18/tennessee-sheriff-in-legal-showdown-with-atheist-group.html

One of the commenters wrote this lovely statement:

"...The first amendment and the "wall of separation" as described by Thomas Jeferson (sic) meant that government stay out of religion.  But it DID NOT mean that religion stay out of government."

Seriously. Go read it. Read some of the comments then come back to me. I'll wait. I need the extra page clicks anyway...

...


Pretty shitty, right?

But, really?

You really need this explained to you, radical Xtians?!? (Notice how I clarified the 'radical'? I know plenty of reasonable and lovely religious people who understand this concept.)

Sharia Law will never become the ruling law in this country just like Christianity will never (read should never) become the ruling law. The Establishment Clause was put into the Constitution to act as a wall between church and state. And the fucking wall holds both sides back, moron.

We do not have to vote Sharia Law out. It will not, never be, in no way, shape, or form be the ruling law. And, if it ever even remotely was going to be, y'all would lose your shit.

This is what atheists and secular people get to go through all day, every day. Your deity is so shoved in our faces that if we try to push back to be able to breathe fresh air you cry that we are persecuting you. You question why we don't attack Muslim's the same way.

Here's a little hint:

I AM NOT BOMBARDED EVERY FUCKING DAY WITH MUSLIMS TRYING TO INTERFERE WITH MY LIFE LIKE CHRISTIANITY DOES!!

Grow up! Start seeing your own hypocritical ways and shut your damn mouths when it's pointed out that you're acting like children. We're all sick of it.

Death with Dignity...Fuck That

My grandfather is dying.

He has been for over 10 years now.

He has Alzheimer's Disease.

I remember when they told me what was happening to him. They had seen the early warning signs of it and had him checked by his physician. He had been placed on a new medication that kept the worse of it at bay for a few years.

But, ultimately, my grandfather forgot how to drive. He forgot how to dress himself. He forgot where he lived. He forgot who we all were. He forgot how to take care of himself. He forgot how to swallow. He forgot who his wife was.

He forgot who he was.

My grandfather was realistic enough to prepare a living will before it got too bad. In it, he asked that he not be kept alive by machines. He didn't want a feeding tube placed. He didn't want my grandmother to have to make any hard decisions about his care without him being able to speak for himself.

My grandparents live in Kentucky. There is no such thing as Death with Dignity laws in Kentucky. I've always advocated for these laws when they come up here in Denver, CO. I've always felt that it was a persons right to end their life when they have a severe, painful, and debilitating disease.

When there is no other option, and it will lessen their pain, why not? We put our beloved pets down due to their suffering. Why not allow people to make that decision for themselves as well?

My grandfather, in his only available act of defiance while locked in his own mind, has chosen to refuse to eat. He has now gone 7 days without any nourishment by mouth. His doctors say there isn't much else besides IV fluids that they can do. He's going to die soon.

Some may say he has given up but my family chooses to see this as my grandfather saying, "Enough."

Enough for him. Enough for my grandmother, who has been by his side for the very worst of this stupid fucking disease. Enough for my family who holds our breath every time they take him to the hospital for one more thing his brain won't let him do. He won't do it anymore.

And I'm so angry.

I'm angry at this stupid disease. I'm angry that there isn't a better answer for when someone has it. I'm angry that my grandmother has had to watch her mother, now her husband, wither away from this nightmare.

I'm angry at my grandfather.

I can't really explain that last one. I'm not sure why I'm upset with him.

You know how parents and grandparents say they don't have a favorite? Yeah, that's bullshit. One of my sisters is a daddy's girl. Mom is attached at the hip to my other sister.

My grandfather was my person. My favorite person in the world. Everywhere he went, I was there. The entire family called me his navigator. When I was little I was positive that without me he would get lost. Of course, that wasn't the case. He could do anything.

And I'm pissed he's leaving. I'm pissed he's choosing to leave.

I feel like if there is enough of him in there to choose not to eat then maybe there is enough of him in there to know how much we still need him.

But, of course, not like this. He hasn't been self sufficient in 10 years. He hasn't walked in about 3 years. He hasn't been able to really talk in a year. He's not my grandfather anymore. I know that. The rational part of me knows this. The bleeding heart in me is so pissed off.

I'm angry that my person is being taken away from me like this. I'm angry that he has been slowly being removed from our lives for over a decade. I'm so fucking pissed that this fucking disease is a fucking thing.

I'm proud of my grandfather for doing this. Even if it's just a reaction from the disease where he does not trust the nurses and doctors. I'm proud that there is still some fight in him. Honestly, I am. I'm just still so fucking furious at this situation.

Fuck Alzheimer's.

And, I swear, when I have to go to Kentucky for his funeral and someone wants to comfort me with religion, I may lose it.

No. Women do NOT need a Me-ternity

I truly am the WORST feminist.

It was reported in The New York Post that an author by the name of Meghann Foye has written a book that states that non-moms deserve paid maternity leave, too.

http://nypost.com/2016/04/28/i-want-all-the-perks-of-maternity-leave-without-having-any-kids/

Meghann writes, "...I came to believe in the value of a 'me-ternity' leave-which is, to me, a sabbatical-like break that allows women.....to shift their focus to the part of their lives that doesn't revolve around their jobs. For women who follow a 'traditional' path, this pause [maternity] often naturally comes in your late 20s or early 30s, when a wedding, pregnancy and babies means that your personal life takes center stage. But for those who end up on the 'other' path, that social mandated time and space for self-reflection may never come."

Are you shitting me right now, Meghann? Are you really saying that maternity leave is a time for women to 'self-reflect'? No. It is a time for a human to push another human out of themselves and try not to let it die. There is no sitting on a beach with a book and a fucking cocktail.

The article continues, "While she [Meghann] thinks both men and women could benefit from a 'me-ternity', she says that women would benefit more because "they are bad at putting ourselves first" and suffer from burnout at a higher rate than men."

Speak for yourself, bitch.

I had no problem with choosing not to have children because I knew I wouldn't provide well for them. I also knew that I didn't want to put a child first in my life. I have no problem whatsoever in putting myself first in my life.

And I'm fucking good at it.

"Foye, 38, started thinking about this idea when she was a magazine editor and became 'envious' of parents on staff who "left the office at 6 p.m. to tend to their children, while it was assumed co-workers without kids would stay behind to pick up the slack", she said. After the 2008 recession and the lack of job security, she started feeling like she has to be "tethered" to her work.'

Fucking, duh, Meghann. It's expected of men all the time. Get over yourself.

"It seemed that parenthood was the only path that provided a modicum of flexibility, she said. "There's something about saying 'I need to go pick up my child' as a reason to leave the office on time that has far more gravitas that, say, 'My best friend just got ghosted by her OKCupid date and needs a margarita'- but both sides are valid."

 No they're not, Meghann! Which, by the way, is a stupid way to spell Megan.

A kid needing to be picked up because they are sick is NOT the same as your idiot friend needing a drink. You can very well go get a drink after work. Or on your day off.

You ARE allowed to have days off. You ARE allowed to take a sabbatical from work. You ARE allowed to go on vacation.  Just like EVERYONE ELSE in a full-time job, we get 2 weeks off for a 'me-turity'. It's called PTO.

You ARE NOT ALLOWED to trivialize what other women go through with childbirth and raising children.

You ARE NOT ALLOWED to compare your girls night to time that parents NEED to devote to RAISING ANOTHER LIFE!!

Men are asked their entire life to work hard to provide for their families. They have always been expected to 'tether' themselves to their desks to earn as much as they can to support their wives, kids, elderly parents, etc.

The feminist movement is about equality. This trivial nonsense about 'women needing more time because we can't put ourselves first' needs to stop. NEEDS TO STOP!

We are capable of so much. We talk about how strong women are. We need to start acting like it. We need to pick up the slack for the parents.

My job is run by women. My boss is a woman. My managers are women. I'm proud to be a part of a women run business. What do you think my female boss would say if I brought it to her that I require time off to 'self-reflect'?

She would, rightly, laugh in my face.

Of all the selfish, ridiculous, egotistical, non-issue, nonsense I have EVER heard in the feminist movement this has got to be the worst thing I have ever come across....

It's bad enough that, as a non-child-bearing women, I get crap for not having kids but, now you want me to look even worse by claiming women deserve extra vacation because....what? We USED to not work? Fuck off, Meghann. You self-righteous, frivolous, waste of time, silly little girl.

Let the real women handle this.