I'm the Worst Liberal Ever

So, this week is Thanksgiving and I will be going home to Louisiana for a traditional celebration with family.

Last year I was not able to go home or visit family at all so I hosted a traditional dinner at the Secular Hub. It was such a success we decided to make it a tradition at the center. This year, since I am able to go home, I won't be hosting. I did, however, have a hand in the planning of the event.

I was able to find a few people who are willing to host the dinner for 20 something people. Turkey has been purchased, ham has been ordered, attendees have been given their food assignments. It's going to be a great day at the Secular Hub.

However, last week the Hub MeetUp message board received a message from a new member asking us about the event. They wanted to know if we were going to be hosting an inclusive 'day of mourning' in lieu of the traditional feast. They went on to explain that the day of mourning was to be a protest of the traditional Thanksgiving celebration and commemorate the atrocities of the Native American people at the hands of the white pilgrims.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!?

Okay, I get it. We need to remember that the Europeans came here and massacred the Native Americans. They deceived and stole from them. The Native Americans got a raw deal and continue to have hardships from this. I get it. We all get it.

There is no way in fictional hell that we are now going to have a fasting, march to a memorial place, and mourn the shameful acts of others. No.

Just..... No...... (basic white girl moment) Seriously, I can't even.

It's moments like these that remind me that I am, actually, from the south. The land of, "Fuck that. Go cry somewhere else."

I HATE this nonsense. I feel like if I disagree with this person's suggestion of a day of mourning it makes me into a bad progressive. Same as when I disagree with a feminist's idea that it's wrong for a woman to choose to be a stay-at-home mom, it makes me feel like a bad feminist.

The spirit of Thanksgiving was to be a coming together of different cultures to break bread and be mindful of community and what you have. That's what it's all about now. It's one of those special times of year (and sometimes only time) that people are able to come together to be with their friends and/or family. Personally, I only get to see my father maybe once a year. This is that one time for us. I'm going to celebrate it.

Did the pilgrims do a terrible thing against the Native Americans? Yes. Should we remember the past so that we don't repeat it? Absolutely!  Am I going to feel shame for the rest of my life for something my ancestors did? Hell no. And how dare you try to make others feel bad for being happy about the holiday.

Thanksgiving is about stuffing your face, watching football, seeing your family, ducking questions about your future marital plans, and figuring out your game plan for Black Friday.

Go be mournful somewhere else. I'm too stoked about turkey to have you be a damn wet-blanket.

Why are you so obsessed with me?

An Arkansas pastor has gained media coverage for something asinine that he said. (big shock) His sermon on Sunday morning revolved around something called 'theological dualism'. A claim that the soul and the body are separated. This allows for religious people to go to church on Sunday and purify their soul but their body is an earthly thing and it does not matter what they do to it.

He referred to 1 Corinthians 6. This chapter says that our bodies are temples and God owns us. He shamed people for overeating, abortion, and pornography. Somehow, doing things like this is 'offending our body'.

He then said that women do not have the right to their own body. He never said that men do not have the right to their body. Sure, it was implied that no one owned their own bodies but, he only deemed it necessary to specifically say that women had no claim to their own body.

Here is the story from Raw Story with a clip of the pastor:

http://www.rawstory.com/2015/11/arizona-pastor-if-a-woman-thinks-she-has-the-right-over-her-own-body-no-thats-not-true/

Why do so many church leaders seem to make sure women know they are less important?

When I was 19 I got a tattoo. It's small and I can hide it easily. Just a simple ankh and a number.  Like many people, my tattoo is meaningful to me. I'm proud of it. It's on my foot and kinda ugly but it wasn't meant to be a work of art. I love it.

When I got it I was still hanging on to my religion. Hanging on by a thread but, still, I went to church every week.

The first Sunday after I got my tattoo I went to my church's morning services. I remember a deacon (kind of like an elder but on a lower rung) came over to me to say 'good morning'. He had a son about my age so he felt he had an 'in' with the youths. He looked down at my foot and saw my new ink.

I distinctly remember him telling me that the bible says that our bodies are not ours and that making marks on it is forbidden. He didn't yell at me. He wasn't overtly angry. He sounded disappointed in me. And, for an instant, I was ashamed.

I think back to it every now and then and I'm sad that I didn't say something prolific.  I'm annoyed at myself for, once again, being silent in church. I'm disgusted that I was intimidated by the deacon. But, I was a girl. In this church, and many others, it's the men's duty to make sure we stay in line. I deserved that talking to, apparently.

What was I supposed to say? "Some guy assaulted me a year ago and this tattoo was to remind me that I'm, once again, in control of my own life and body"? Maybe. That would have knocked the deacon back for a second. But, I bet I can think of how he would have responded. Something about god testing me. Maybe something about how I was assaulted because I wasn't acting like a christian in the first place. Or, two wrongs...something something something.

The important thing I learned from that experience is that women in the church are always being reminded that our bodies are not ours, we have no choice in anything, and we can do nothing about it.

I became a more empowered woman when I left the church. I became a better, nicer, more loving person when I left religion. I'm still saddened when I see so many women flocking and clinging to their religion. A religion that doesn't respect, empower, or give authority to them.

I won't take away anyone's religion. I can never do that. But, I can be disappointed in it. And, I'll be there for those who choose to leave it behind.

And It Starts...

Just a few days before Halloween and I've already started seeing my conservative and religious family members and friends post on their Facebook about how we "can't say Merry Christmas".

Here is the latest one:

Boo-frickin-hoo.

I actually have three issues with this picture. The first being the false statement that the U.S. is the 'largest christian nation in the world'.

When will the conservatives let this idea die the death it deserves? This country never has been nor will it ever be a 'christian nation'. And we should all be thankful of that. If a single religion was in charge of this country it would be a disaster; a travesty; a blood bath. Even the Christians cannot agree on what version of Christianity is correct.

There is a reason we, as a country, do not and should not try to establish a single endorsed religion. It's the same reason our ancestors came over here in the first place. Idiots.

My second issue is that saying 'Happy Holidays' over 'Marry Christmas' is in no way an evil method of the secular people to destroy your religious ceremonies. Your stolen pagan ceremonies....

I worked in retail throughout my high school and college career and then some. Around the HOLIDAYS (including Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, and now Kwanzaa, as well as New Years) I started wishing EVERYONE a happy holiday because I didn't have the time or patience to ask everyone their personal preferences on how they spend their winter months.

I imagine it would be the same for me to say "Have a nice day!" to someone leaving the store and they getting upset with me because they have to go put their dog down. How in the hell was I supposed to know that? Do I just say "Ok. Leave now. I have your money. Get out!" ?

'Happy Holidays', like 'have a nice day', is a general greeting/goodbye within the retail world. It's the least offensive thing I can possibly say to someone. To become offended because I didn't say exactly the thing that would most comfort you, is not my problem. It's yours. Our society has become so 'trigger-happy'. Your emotions are your own. It's not my responsibility to coddle your feelings.

To help those out who may not get this concept I have listed a handy chart of responses to daily encounters during the HOLIDAYS:

They say-- You say

Have a nice day!-- Thanks, you too!
Merry Christmas!-- Thanks, you too!
Happy Hanukkah!--Thanks, you too!
Happy Holidays!-- Thanks, you too!
Happy Kwanzaa!-- Thanks, you too!
Happy Solstice!-- Thanks, you too!
Happy New Year!-- Thanks, you too!
God Bless You!-- Thanks, you too!
Convert to Satanism!-- NOT TODAY, SATAN!
                                                  HA! Just kidding. The answer, of course, is: YES, MASTER...


You see? It's easy. Anyone can do it. Just use that good ol' American passive response etiquette we all use every day.  Have a Happy Holiday!

Oh, right, the third issue with the picture. WHY THE HELL ARE THEY CAPITALIZING EVERY OTHER RANDOM WORD?!?!

Being the liberal daughter

A few years ago my father hosted a party at his home in southern Louisiana. It was a rare occasion where all of his daughters were in town at once, so he decided to celebrate the only way good southerners know how. Bonfire, beer, crawfish, music, beer, laughter, and, oh yeah, beer.

By about four-ish my father was already happily wasted and telling stories of when his daughters were babies.

However, when he got to me, his youngest daughter, it wasn't a story about when I would hide his boots so he couldn't leave for work, or that time I got into the fridge and threw eggs all over the kitchen. (HA! That's a funny one...) No, no. For me, my father had something special.

"Here's my Ru, my baby! NO ONE TELL ANY RACIST JOKES AROUND HER! She doesn't like it... She's my 'liberal daughter'!"

I was mortified at first. Really, daddy? My sisters get cutesy stories about toddler shenanigans and I get a lecture on how I'm PC?

Not too long later I was dating a jerk of a guy who also would describe me to his friends as the 'girl who doesn't like jokes that make fun of people'. (OK, I may have cleaned up his language...I curse like a sailor but there are certain words that ladies just don't say) Again, I didn't like being singled out as 'that girl'. The girl that was different. The girl that was so PC she was brainless.

It took a while but, I'm happy my father and others see me this way. I proud that I'm known for not being the one to tolerate hurtful jokes and stories.

Can I take a joke? Of course.

Have I laughed at a good, tasteful, religious joke? Hell yes.

Have I made jokes about eating babies as an atheist? You betch'ya.

But, it's kinda different in the south where they regularly make jokes at the expense of others. And, not just jokes. These people make jokes/snide comments/assumptions about anyone different.

And, no, I'm not just talking about old white guys. Everyone down there does. Black, Latino, White, Asian. If you're not one of them....you don't mix. Interracial couples are still pretty taboo down there.

But, at least in a few circles,  I'm known as the girl that will ask you to explain that racist joke you just drunkenly uttered. I'm the one who will remind you that rape isn't funny. Sure, I'll be that girl.

But, I'm also the one that will remind you that I'm OK with making a sandwich as long as you get off your ass and fix the damn car. Because I'm the liberal, voting, democrat, atheist you were warned about but, not the raging feminist that gets triggered at everything.

God Gave Me A Pass

I'm not sure if it's because the internet is allowing me to see it more or just that we've become a self-serving group of people but, I am seeing a LOT of people saying that their actions are OK because 'God forgave them'.

I just watched a segment of Kim Davis on Good Morning America saying that her previous marriages and children via adultery do not make her a hypocrite because she is 'forgiven' and 'washed clean' by her god.

Real life doesn't work like that, lady.

You see, she and many others would not accept me just saying that whatever wrong doing I've done has been forgiven by the Flying Spaghetti Monster. His Holy Noodliness holds no real power over them. It does not mean anything to them. No matter how much I insist that He loves you, wants you to follow Him, and He boiled for your sins (Ramen), they will never buy that nonsense.

Yet, they have this absurd notion that their mythical deity holds power over us. They insist that He loves us, wants us to follow Him, and died for our sins. When we regard that for what it is, nonsense, they still insist that their argument holds more weight.

Religious people refuse to see the correlation between the two stories. Somehow FSM is just made up gibberish while a Bronze-Age man, born of a virgin, walking on water, being pissed at a fig tree, and dying on a cross is gospel truth.

Let's be honest. The Jesus story sounds more real because it's the one most of us grew up with. It doesn't have anything to do with how long it's been around. Hinduism has been around for 5,000 years and sounds like the most ridiculous story ever conjured up. It sounds weird because it wasn't the weird we grew up with.

The Jesus story, the Mohammad story, the Krishna story....all of it is made up and holds no authority over those who have never heard of it. By insisting your actions are forgiven by your particular brand of 'holy truth' holds no water for atheists and people of other religions. Stop using it as an excuse.

As an atheist, I must ask for forgiveness from those I've actually wronged. If I do something illegal, I must pay the secular price. I have the law to answer to. That's the way it works in real life. Imagine if we just allow people to atone for their mistakes via their religion. Nothing would be done.

And, by dismissing your hypocrite actions by saying 'god is OK with it', does not make your actions any less hurtful. Your empty words of salvation mean nothing. You ARE a hypocrite. And we will call you such.

Monopoly on Comfort

Last week a good friend of mine died. He was young. He was fairly healthy. He died of something that should have been easily preventable...had he only had health insurance. But, like millions of other Americans, he had no way to pay for a regular doctors visit so he could get a simple, generic medication that could have prevented his death. But, that's another rant.

This rant is about all the friends and family of his that sent out dozens of messages of prayers and 'god's love'. 

This pissed off ALL of his secular friends. 

You see, my friend, his name is Heath (real name), was an atheist. He was a part of my secular community. He had atheist friends. His family disowned him and didn't speak to him for DECADES for various reasons, one of which included his lack of belief. He found a community at the Secular Hub. He walked into our lives one day and nestled there. He was one of us. A part of our 'tribe', as someone put it. He was ours and we were his. We were growing a stronger community together. And we came together as a stronger community because of this tragedy. 

His aunt, who had not spoken to him in 3 decades, sent a message to his Facebook saying that he was 'wrapped in God's arms'. His friends, old school friends, army buddies, what-have-you, wrote on his wall about how, even though he didn't believe, it didn't mean that God didn't believe in him. (By the way, lady, it's incredibly classless to call his property manager to ask for all his jewelry or anything of value while he was still breathing by ventilator in the ICU. Bitch) 

I was shaking with anger. 

These people were so disrespectful of Heath and his opinions they didn't even PRETEND to hide it. "All he did was bash the bible but I'm still praying for him." 

Fuck. You. 

You do not get to have the moral high ground because you think your religion is the know-all and be-all of life. 

You do not get to rub your religion in a dying man's face when he is unable to argue back. 

You do not get to tell his friends, the ones who were actually there for him in his hospital room, that you are praying for us and him, even though you KNOW we are atheists. 

You do not get to play the jilted Christian when the atheists remind you that we are not comforted by your empty words of prayer. 

Your particular brand of false comfort and hope does not help us. It does not make us feel looked-after, comforted, or better. Our friend is dying. We will never again be able to debate with him, take him for a beer, or laugh with him. We will never be able to make new memories with him. Mocking us with false promises of an afterlife with him is just hurtful. Especially since you have condemned us to hell for not believing in the first place. 

And, by us pointing that out to you, does not give you the right to pretend that we are everything you imagined we are; angry. 

We are able to cope just fine without your mythical sky-daddy, thank you. We will always remember the arguments, debates, funny stories, adventures, and general goofiness of our friend Heath. We will remember him as he was; not just in a hospital bed. We will remember him hiking, shoveling the sidewalk in front of the Hub, eating all the stale popcorn after our movie nights, being there at every lecture just to learn more, and being the greatest reminder of the 90's we never knew we needed. 

We will remember because that's all we have. We have our memories. I hope to have half the friends there for me when I'm in need as he did. The best we can do is live this life to the fullest, with the best possible people, and with a love for life that can't be measured in bible quotes. We don't get a second chance. We don't get a reward for being a good person in the afterlife. We don't get to be 'called home' one day.

Our reward is that we have a happy life right now. With friends who support us. By helping our community. By being good people just because we want to make our ONLY home a better place. 

We lost our friend. Just like you. However, we loved him no matter what. We accepted him for all his quirks, his ridiculous love of Buffy, his intellect, wit, and, of course, his atheism. Unlike you. 

Do Atheists Grieve?

Over the weekend the Denver secular community lost an ally, a friend, a good man. He was an astonishing man who cared about his wife, his dog, and his friends. I met him too late and only got a small portion of his good nature, humor, and ingenuity. He will be missed.

I got the news of his passing while leaving work Monday afternoon. I happened to look at my email before shutting down my office computer for the night. I had to sit in my office chair and sob for a few minutes before I was able to compose myself and keep it together to walk out and drive myself home. My coworkers did not notice a thing. Which is what I wanted. No one likes to cry at work.

The next day I was speaking with a coworker who has become a close friend. She is a Christian. We have a good friendship in and outside of work. We have a different opinion about religion and that's all. We have always been able to speak about religion without it turning into an argument. Not being familiar with much about religion other than her own, she uses me as a way to understand other religions as well as secularism.

When I told her about losing my secular friend she asked me, "Do atheists hold memorial services? Do they grieve like everyone else?"

My initial response was, "Yes, of course!"

But, now I wonder. Do we really grieve like everyone else? Sure, we become sad. We cry. We celebrate their life. We get mad about the stupid situation of death. But, we don't justify it the way others do.

Many times growing up, I remember being told that people die for God's reasons. He needed another angel, he had a different plan that we did, it was their time to go to heaven....whatever. I heard them all. Christians are able to comfort themselves with all these ideas of their loved one being in a better place. They believe that they will be able to see them again in heaven.

I don't get that luxury anymore. There is no way for me to be able to tell someone after they die how I really feel about them. I won't ever get to see them again.

Since I became an atheist, I feel like my connections with people are more real. I feel more inclined to make genuine friendships. My relationship with my SO is very strong. I feel like I don't have time to make false friendships. I don't have room to spare for feelings of hatred. The connections I have with family and friends must be real.

This short life is all I have. I don't get another chance and I don't get a reward in the afterlife. My reward is what I make of it here and now. I have a great group of friends and we go on adventures together. I have few best friends with whom I can share anything. I have older friends from whom I can gain advice. I have younger friends I can pass guidance on to. I have a wonderful SO with whom I can be challenged by, be encouraged to grow, and be silly in love.

So, yes. We grieve. We feel loss. We feel anger. We rejoice in the brief, but wonderful, time we had with someone. We never forget. But we don't take comfort in fairy tales. We take comfort in each other.

We have to. Now is all we got.