Easy There, Feminist Warrior

Something got my back up yesterday afternoon. And now I'm wondering if I reacted too hard. 

I do a weekly podcast with a dear friend of mine. I adore this guy. He really is a good person. Very intelligent and caring. 

Sometimes I feel like I have to remind him that I'm not an idiot. 

He went through something traumatic, yes. He was involved with Scientology. It's a HUGE subject for him. It's his livelihood now. It's how he is getting his name and expertise out there. 

I get that. I totally understand. 

But, when I'm around him and the topic goes to Scientology.....I blank out. I don't contribute to the conversation anymore. How can I? I didn't go through it. I used to know nothing about it. Now I feel like I know more than the average person, thanks to him. Which I'm thankful for. Honestly. I really, really am happy to know more about it and him. 

I'm so over the conversation though. I just wait until the subject is something else so I can once again be a part of it. 

And, that's also my fault. I need to be more engaged so I can bring up other topics to which I can contribute. 

But, here is where I got 'upidy', as my mother would put it. We're hosting a guest this week on our podcast. I'm excited about it. The guy is a cult extraction expert. That's freaking cool! My friend sent me an e-mail with an outline for the show. Sweet! (he's never done that before- he typically has one made when I get there and I only barely see it) 

He then asks me to regulate him so he doesn't get too caught up in the conversation with the guest and I can make sure the verbiage stays plain. "Since you are not as familiar with this material as I am and can help rein me in if I get too interested in something (guest) is talking about and we lose track." 

Not familiar? Dude, I've been studying cults for years. I took classes on them in college. Hell, I was technically in one, too. My former religion may not be considered a 'cult' to many because it's been the accepted religion for 2,000 years but that doesn't mean it's not a cult. 

We had different experiences, yes. Your's was WAY more controlling and scary, yes. But, that doesn't make my experiences less important. 

Perhaps this is my fault. I let this guy talk about his experiences every time we are around one another. I know more about his life than I think he knows about mine. But, I think he needed that. I've been out of my cult for several years now and I've got a good support system. He only left Scientology a couple of years ago and is still building healthy relationships with people outside. I was happy to be a friend for him. Still am. 

But this constant idea of his that I don't know what he's talking about is getting really frustrating. 

Is this just the leftovers from my experiences reminding me to be a good girl and just listen? Get over it, girl. He doesn't know my knowledge because I haven't been broadcasting it. 

That ends today. I've studied for this podcast and this guest. I've got notes. I'm putting on my big girl glasses and dropping some knowledge on this bitch. 

And, then I'll go explain to my friend why I got upset. Because being able to talk like adults is what stops all the damn drama.