Recently I was able to go to a spa for a day of pampering. It was lovely. I had a massage, a facial, and a pedicure. It was one of those spas where you could just lounge around a whirlpool or sweat in a sauna. Very relaxing.
I had been to this spa before and had a great conversation with the woman who gave me a pedi the first time. She happened to also be an atheist. When I returned over the weekend she was there and remembered me. I was happy to see her but she was, unfortunately, not going to be giving me my pedi this time. But, she insisted that the woman who would be providing the service was a wonderful woman. And she was. Until she started asking awkward questions....
I had previously told her that my boyfriend and I had met at an atheist convention. She then launched into a Q&A session with me about what atheists actually 'believe'. That's fine with me. Religious people tend to not really get atheism and the more questions they ask the more opportunity I have of changing their minds about atheists.
She asked if I believed in reincarnation. She asked if I believed in anything. Then she launched into a speech about how all of our unbalanced pH levels are the things that make us sick. (Did you know that drinking a glass of lemon water a day can keep cancer away??) This woman turned out to be kinda 'woo'. (Is that how we are going to be writing that?) She said things like "It's all about energy" and "when something tragic happens, it makes you rethink life."
Then she started talking about how her niece had just died unexpectedly. And this is the part where the persecution comes in. Had I been a Christian and she an atheist I could have told her that this was all a part of God's plan and that I would be praying for her. No one would have batted an eye. She may have thanked me for her kind words. After all, I was just trying to say something to comfort her.
As the atheist in this situation, what could I have said other than 'I'm sorry' and sympathized and made 'sad noises' at all the things this young woman was now going to miss? I just had to listen to her go on about how her niece should have been the miracle child. Her niece's children will one day see their mom again. Her family needed many blessings now.
And I just sat there. Doing nothing. Getting more and more annoyed but awkward. Of course I feel awful that her young niece died. I'm not a heartless monster. I empathize with people when something bad happens. Can I tell them that I'm sorry this happened but I don't believe in that after-life nonsense? Of course not. I'd be a horrible person.
When something tragic happens to an atheist and religious people try to comfort them with that God bullshit and we fire back... we are now the hurtful, bitter and angry ones. We're not bitter. We're grieving. Telling ourselves that we will one day see our loved ones again is not 'moving on'. It's dwelling. It's tricking our mind into not accepting the pain but masking it.
Telling someone that 'god has a plan' when something bad happens is not helpful to an atheist. But Christians are allowed, by society, to say these things. An atheist is not allowed to tell someone that 'bad things happen because bad things happen'. We understand that the world is neither fair nor just. Things. Just. Happen. But, we're not allowed to express that.
All we can do is smile, nod a bit, and hope that the person with sharp tools around our feet dosn't 'accidentally' slip....
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