The song 'Say Something" by A Great Big World has struck a chord with me. Perhaps if I were ending a relationship or going through something terrible it would make me cry. The video for it sure made me shed a tear. (The elderly couple-- I mean come on!) But, what this song made me think of is how I initially felt when I was coming to terms with my atheism.
I feel as if this song closely represents how I was thinking when I was just about to let go. I WANTED God to say something. I wanted there to be an eternal reward for me and my loved ones. I wanted there to be justice for all the wrong doings that laws of man could not provide. It broke my heart to know that the thing that was supposed to be protecting me my entire life was not really there.
I'm not sure if people who have been secular their entire life can understand this. Initially, I felt alone. I felt guilty. I felt scared, confused, and bamboozled. I'd been lied to my whole life. I felt as if by turning away from religion I was turning my back on my entire life. I felt scared because...what was I going to do now? What does one do when they find out their entire thought process was based on someone else's opinion?
That's why this song touched me. Not because I was loosing a boy but because I was losing a relationship with my life.
I've worked hard to overcome the initial feelings I had. I'm still overcoming many of them. It has been a long and ongoing process for me. I feel that, with my new friends and community, I'm making great strides on becoming the person I should have been all along.
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