As of last Sunday, I no longer consider myself a Secular Hub Board Member.
No, it's not because something awful happened. I did not have a knock-down-drag-out fight with anyone. There was no 'come to Jesus' moment for me to leave my hedonistic ways.
My term ran out. And, I decided that, after three years on the Hub board, that it was time to step aside and let others run things. New board gets their official votes and take over on Saturday.
Will I miss it? Of course! I love being in a leadership role. Especially for something that I care so much about.
Will I continue to be a Secular Hub member? Absolutely! There is no way I can walk away from the Hub. It's where all my friends are and I love being a part of the community.
What will I NOT miss? Dealing with whiny bullshit.
Seriously. I did not mind putting on events. I did not mind ordering and restocking supplies. Answering questions about who we are and what we do. Sitting in endless board meetings. Greeting new people. Taking payments. Answering emails. Keeping the calendar. Being a face of the organization.
I didn't mind all those things.
I hated having to deal with people who whined about the organization and how it 'reminds them of a church' or 'it's too liberal' or 'there's not enough women/LGBT/non-white men, etc.'
I agonized when people complained that there were too many events, not enough events, not enough kid-friendly events, and too many kids at events.
I loathed dealing with complaints form the older community that too many things were digital, i.e. emails, social media, electronic billboards; not enough things on paper and written down.
I despised having too many pieces of paper everywhere that the younger generation wouldn't take 'because everything is online now.'
The speakers are too loud!
I can't hear anything!
The lights are too bright!
I can't see anything!
You don't stock my particular off-brand soda that you can ONLY find in Boulder?!
It's too expensive to make a soda purchase at the Hub!
This location sucks!
I'm not paying more for my membership so you can buy a new building!
She called my kid an asshole!
Her kid was acting like an asshole!
I love that I can speak freely here!
I can't believe you allow such foul language from your members!
Why don't you take my suggestions?!
I'm not going to help with what I just suggested! I expect you to figure it out!
All the things I've wanted to complain about for years but haven't because I figured that a member would one day read what I've written and get pissy. Then I'd have to deal with it.
Well, fuck off. I'm done. I've never been so appalled at how 'members of a community' could be this childish. People who are supposed to be more intellectual about life and they still have the same petty issues that everyone else has.
I've had to bury my annoyance at it for a long time, like working customer service but, it's no longer my problem.
I'm officially just a member of the Hub and I can write about it as such.
To be clear: I love the Secular Hub. I love most of the people who are members. I love that it's growing.
And, I especially love that I will no longer be the one that has to field the 20 emails a day about happenings, requests, complaints, and issues.
Good luck, New Board!
Tuesday, May 16, 2017
Monday, March 20, 2017
Sometimes Atheism Can Be Brutal....
When someone dies, atheism is pretty damn depressing.
My grandfather passed away yesterday.
I get it. Our older relatives die. It's a part of life. We weren't shocked. We weren't unprepared. My family has been expecting this for a while. Alzheimer's Disease is the most brutal thing to happen to someone. I almost wish he was taken from us suddenly. I wouldn't wish this on someone I hated.
It just hurts so much.
I have a belief that everyone has at least one person in their life that is....their 'person'. Someone with whom they can relate, talk to, find comfort in, etc. My grandfather was all of that and more for me.
After my parents divorced, my mom moved us to Kentucky to live with our grandparents so she could go back to school. I spent three years living at my grandparents home. Grades 1-3. My grandfather became my fill-in dad. He helped me with my homework, he made sure we were fed, I went everywhere with him, he taught us all important life lessons.
As much as I love and respect my father, my grandfather was the main male influence I had for a pretty important time in my life. He didn't replace my father; just stepped in when needed. I hate to say it but, when dad left, granddaddy stepped in. And I needed that.
My grandfather would sing Willie Nelson's 'On the Road Again' whenever we would go anywhere. My sisters and my cousins all knew he did this because he did it with all of us. Except, I was usually the one going with him wherever he had to go. We would go to the hardware store, grocery, post office, bank.... I even went to his barber shop several times. Everywhere my sisters thought were boring I loved every second of.
Because I got to be with him.
My mom, aunts, grandmother, sisters, and cousins are all asking how I'm handling this. Mostly because my grandmother always said that I was extra special to my grandfather. I was able to go and visit them in early January. My grandmother told me how, when the disease was first starting to affect him, my grandfather kept saying how he couldn't forget me. He just could not forget me.
Except he did.
The last thing he said to me when I saw him in January was that he loved me. He was repeating it since I said it first but I'm always going to believe that he meant it. (fucking Alzheimer's turned my grandfather into a damn parrot)
So, this week I'm packing up and heading back to Kentucky for his funeral. I'll see my sisters and mom. I'll see my grandmother and all my cousins. Aunts. Uncles. My grandfather's friends. Old church friends. People who remember me but I won't remember them. People who will get me confused for one of my sisters.
And they will ALL tell me about how I'll get to see him again in heaven.
This is where atheism is the most brutal. I will never see him again. I'll never again hear him call me 'Ru Ru'. I'll never again hear him sing 'On the road again..." He won't ever again peer at me through his rounded hands like he was seeing me through a telescope. I know I won't. I wish an afterlife was real. I wish I had that comfort in my life. I wish I could push all this pain aside and focus on being with him again.
I can't and I hate myself for not believing.
But, I'll have to suck it up and smile and nod at everyone for the next few days. I can't lose my cool about god and heaven while I'm there. It won't matter to anyone there that I'm an atheist. The only comfort I'll need is to know that my grandfather is with Jesus in heaven and I'll be there with him one day.
Fuck them and their fucking religion. There is no god. God didn't cause my grandfather's Alzheimer's nor did he end it. I'm not angry at god. I can't be. There is no god to be mad at. I'm angry at the shitty situation. I'm angry at the fucking asshats who stop valuable research based on religious beliefs.
He didn't deserve to lose his strength. His ability to move, use the bathroom, be independent. He didn't deserve to slowly waste away to nothing because of fucking disease. He didn't deserve to lose his mind.
Fuck everything. #fuckalzheimers
My grandfather passed away yesterday.
I get it. Our older relatives die. It's a part of life. We weren't shocked. We weren't unprepared. My family has been expecting this for a while. Alzheimer's Disease is the most brutal thing to happen to someone. I almost wish he was taken from us suddenly. I wouldn't wish this on someone I hated.
It just hurts so much.
I have a belief that everyone has at least one person in their life that is....their 'person'. Someone with whom they can relate, talk to, find comfort in, etc. My grandfather was all of that and more for me.
After my parents divorced, my mom moved us to Kentucky to live with our grandparents so she could go back to school. I spent three years living at my grandparents home. Grades 1-3. My grandfather became my fill-in dad. He helped me with my homework, he made sure we were fed, I went everywhere with him, he taught us all important life lessons.
As much as I love and respect my father, my grandfather was the main male influence I had for a pretty important time in my life. He didn't replace my father; just stepped in when needed. I hate to say it but, when dad left, granddaddy stepped in. And I needed that.
My grandfather would sing Willie Nelson's 'On the Road Again' whenever we would go anywhere. My sisters and my cousins all knew he did this because he did it with all of us. Except, I was usually the one going with him wherever he had to go. We would go to the hardware store, grocery, post office, bank.... I even went to his barber shop several times. Everywhere my sisters thought were boring I loved every second of.
Because I got to be with him.
My mom, aunts, grandmother, sisters, and cousins are all asking how I'm handling this. Mostly because my grandmother always said that I was extra special to my grandfather. I was able to go and visit them in early January. My grandmother told me how, when the disease was first starting to affect him, my grandfather kept saying how he couldn't forget me. He just could not forget me.
Except he did.
The last thing he said to me when I saw him in January was that he loved me. He was repeating it since I said it first but I'm always going to believe that he meant it. (fucking Alzheimer's turned my grandfather into a damn parrot)
So, this week I'm packing up and heading back to Kentucky for his funeral. I'll see my sisters and mom. I'll see my grandmother and all my cousins. Aunts. Uncles. My grandfather's friends. Old church friends. People who remember me but I won't remember them. People who will get me confused for one of my sisters.
And they will ALL tell me about how I'll get to see him again in heaven.
This is where atheism is the most brutal. I will never see him again. I'll never again hear him call me 'Ru Ru'. I'll never again hear him sing 'On the road again..." He won't ever again peer at me through his rounded hands like he was seeing me through a telescope. I know I won't. I wish an afterlife was real. I wish I had that comfort in my life. I wish I could push all this pain aside and focus on being with him again.
I can't and I hate myself for not believing.
But, I'll have to suck it up and smile and nod at everyone for the next few days. I can't lose my cool about god and heaven while I'm there. It won't matter to anyone there that I'm an atheist. The only comfort I'll need is to know that my grandfather is with Jesus in heaven and I'll be there with him one day.
Fuck them and their fucking religion. There is no god. God didn't cause my grandfather's Alzheimer's nor did he end it. I'm not angry at god. I can't be. There is no god to be mad at. I'm angry at the shitty situation. I'm angry at the fucking asshats who stop valuable research based on religious beliefs.
He didn't deserve to lose his strength. His ability to move, use the bathroom, be independent. He didn't deserve to slowly waste away to nothing because of fucking disease. He didn't deserve to lose his mind.
Fuck everything. #fuckalzheimers
Friday, January 20, 2017
Why Am I In A Pissy Mood? #Drumph
I've been in a piss-poor mood for several weeks. As in, I've been rude, short-tempered, argumentative, and downright mean. I'm not apologizing to any particular person. Nor am I justifying my actions.
I'm just acknowledging that I've been a pain in the ass. Even my boyfriend, who only ever has nice things to say about me, has noticed that I'm less than pleasant lately.
And, I recently noticed that I've been an asshat since November. Not surprisingly, since the election results. I didn't want to acknowledge that I may be more upset about the results than I thought. I truly wanted to live my life as if this presidency wouldn't really affect my day-to-day life.
Of course, that's wrong.
I'm not the kind of feminist that you hear about on the internet. I cannot stand when people play the victim. I don't have a high tolerance for people who get 'triggered' by the most mundane thing. I'm not a god-damned SJW.
But, even I, the most cold-hearted liberal ever, have been affected by this new 'president'. I'm not hopeful. I'm not expecting this be an easy 4 years. I have a feeling it's going to take a lot of effort to protest, contact representatives, sign petitions, and yes, even vote, to counteract what this unqualified man and his increasingly deplorable cabinet will do over the next few years. Not to mention the population of this country who are going to use this presidency to justify their homophobic and racist ideologies.
I'm not looking forward to the headache. I'm looking forward to being a part of the solution.
So, in the meantime, I'm going to try to not snap so much at those trying to work with me. I need to stop being so damned moody and try to have some of my positivity again.
It's obviously not a time for celebrations for me. But, that doesn't mean that I get to be rude. I've got too much of my strict southern manner training in me to let myself be a snarling dog that bites at people who don't deserve it. We're all in this together. Working with people is better than ostracizing them.
Good luck, everyone.
I'm just acknowledging that I've been a pain in the ass. Even my boyfriend, who only ever has nice things to say about me, has noticed that I'm less than pleasant lately.
And, I recently noticed that I've been an asshat since November. Not surprisingly, since the election results. I didn't want to acknowledge that I may be more upset about the results than I thought. I truly wanted to live my life as if this presidency wouldn't really affect my day-to-day life.
Of course, that's wrong.
I'm not the kind of feminist that you hear about on the internet. I cannot stand when people play the victim. I don't have a high tolerance for people who get 'triggered' by the most mundane thing. I'm not a god-damned SJW.
But, even I, the most cold-hearted liberal ever, have been affected by this new 'president'. I'm not hopeful. I'm not expecting this be an easy 4 years. I have a feeling it's going to take a lot of effort to protest, contact representatives, sign petitions, and yes, even vote, to counteract what this unqualified man and his increasingly deplorable cabinet will do over the next few years. Not to mention the population of this country who are going to use this presidency to justify their homophobic and racist ideologies.
I'm not looking forward to the headache. I'm looking forward to being a part of the solution.
So, in the meantime, I'm going to try to not snap so much at those trying to work with me. I need to stop being so damned moody and try to have some of my positivity again.
It's obviously not a time for celebrations for me. But, that doesn't mean that I get to be rude. I've got too much of my strict southern manner training in me to let myself be a snarling dog that bites at people who don't deserve it. We're all in this together. Working with people is better than ostracizing them.
Good luck, everyone.
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
I Became A Feminist; My Sister Became A Doormat
Buckle in. I'm pissed off and it's a long one.
I say this with the largest amount of love I can muster....my sister is a doormat to her husband and his church. I have no idea how it happened to her. I feel sorry for her. I feel sorry for her son she had with this man.
I would not be friends with my sister if I had met her off the street.
This wasn't always the case. She and I are what people would 'nicely' call Irish Twins. We're about 14 months apart. (poor mom) And, because the Louisiana education system tests kids on their personality as well as their education, my sister, 'Jane', and I ended up in the same grade. We've been in the same grade since kindergarten. The schools did their best at keeping us separate but, we usually had the same homeroom class, friends, and teachers.
Outside of school we were inseparable. 'Jane' was my partner in crime, my best friend, my confidant. When she got picked on in school, I stood up for her. When I was struggling with 'girl problems' she was there to guide me through. We supported each other through our parent's divorce, arguments with our other sister, 'Carol', our mom dating and eventually remarrying, homework, boyfriends, breakups, and injuries. We fought like children and loved like sisters.
'Jane' was always the more level-headed, calm, disciplined, and mature one of the two of us. I looked to her for guidance. I respected her as a strong woman.
'Jane' never really like my boyfriends just like I never really cared for hers. She dated and married one guy really quickly. Almost forcefully so. Surprisingly, it didn't last. (HEAVY sarcasm) They divorced a year or two later. The entire family was relieved. We did not think this dude was up to her standards. She was devastated.
But, in true 'Jane' fashion, my sister pulled herself up, got herself together, and moved on. She was thriving! She was everything I wanted to be. She was amazing and I looked up to her as a role model.
Until she decided that she needed to be married and have a family.
Let me be clear: my sister wanting to be married, own a home, have children, and drive a minivan is not why I no longer respect her. My other sister, 'Carol', has all of that too and I adore her. My best friend has all of that and I think she hung the moon. The difference is 'Jane' has those things because she thinks it's what makes her a 'proper woman' and those things equal a 'proper life'. And, she lets her idiot husband walk all over her because of it.
'Jane' found this douche-waffle on one of those paid-for online dating websites. Fine, whatever. She had a wish list of what she was looking for in a man and this guy didn't match up but, she somehow still connected with him and went on a date. (I blame the website) She went on one date with this guy and immediately stopped talking or attempting to meet anyone else on the site.
She married him not too long later and had a son (whom I adore!). She also married his psychotic family and his even more dysfunctional ex-wife.
Do I think it's fair to judge someone solely on their baggage? No, of course not. I'm judging this man on how he treats my sister like a slave, takes advantage of her good credit score (which he's ruined), uses her as a babysitter for his kid from his first marriage, he's a complete lazy ass who quit his job when 'Jane' had just given birth so they lost their insurance, how he treats my parents, how he makes me feel uncomfortable when he's around me, AND his psycho baggage.
I've expressed all this to 'Jane' who laughed me off by saying I was jealous of her life, how I don't see how he is at home, and I've never been married so I 'don't get it'. Fine, she doesn't want outside help? Deal. I left it alone. She lives several states from me so I don't have to see or talk with her or her idiot husband often.
But, damnit, I hate that.
I hate that I no longer have my sister. My other sister, 'Carol', married a great man. Goofy as hell but he treats her well, takes care of his son, and provides well for them. 'Carol' is also still my sister. She made her own career before she got married and still has it. She makes a very good living on her own. The two are a true partnership in their home, in raising their son, and in the world. But, they both are still exactly who they were before they got married.
'Jane' changed as soon as she met that fucktard. It's like she's incapable of making well, thought out decisions. She jumped wholeheartedly into his life and religion that she lost herself. I no longer see her as a strong, independent, intelligent woman who makes good choices. I see her as a woman who is stuck in a marriage that is drowning her and she refuses to let go of the dead weight that is killing her.
Today was the final straw for me. She posted an articled titled 'Stop Being A Butthole Wife'. This article, written by a former stay-at-home wife and 'good Christian woman', explains how a wife shouldn't nag her husband about picking up after himself or pick at the little things he does that she deems 'wrong' and 'careless'. She felt that women should let things like this go because our husbands might die then you will miss having to do little things for him.
Dumbass 'butthole' article:
http://herviewfromhome.com/stop-being-a-butthole-wife/
Here's what pissed me off the most: Anyone can die at any time for any reason. This does not give them a pass to act like an asshole. I've known plenty of men who know how to pick up after themselves without having to make their spouses do it. The author went on to explain that she remarried and now she happily picks up after her new husband. Here's a fun excerpt from the article:
"I knew he had hurried to change out of work clothes into comfy clothes so he could spend time with his new family. He had chosen what is more important. I happily scooped the treasures into my arms and carried them to the washing machine. "
He hurried up to change clothes and left them there because he knew what was more important???? What he obviously thought was important was making you pick up after him so he could be a slob. That's what happened here. You allowed your husband to treat you like his maid. Not his equal.
'Jane' wanted to rush to get married so she could finally be who she thought she had to be. She always resented the fact that our father left us. She tried to hide the fact that we came from a divorced family as much as possible. Now she has a kid with this douche-canoe and refuses to see all the problems he creates for her. She refuses to see them because, I think, she would be ashamed to appear like a broken family. She's trying so desperately to be 'normal' that she can't see how much she's not herself anymore. And I'm devastated for her.
I won't interfere anymore because she has been adamant that she's happy but, I won't pretend to not notice it anymore. It sucks but I feel like I have one sister and one kinda-close cousin.
The saddest part is that I have a set of cousins where there were 3 sisters. One died when she was 19 in a car crash. Drunk driver hit her. I know that my two cousins would do anything to have their sister back. Even if she was different. Even if she married a total asshat and changed. They wouldn't care.
I love my sister. I want the best for her. I wish I still had my best friend, partner in crime, and confidant. I'm thankful I still have her in my life but, I won't encourage her in destroying herself anymore.
Maybe I am the asshole atheist that doesn't 'get it' but, I can see a person losing their identity just as well as anyone else. But, today, I unfollowed her on Facebook. I sent her a message saying that I can no longer watch her berate herself for not being supportive enough to her lazy, asshole of a husband. This won't end well, I'm sure. But, several years ago she told me that she unfollowed me because she didn't want to see my atheist posts anymore. Guess it's my turn to let go.
I say this with the largest amount of love I can muster....my sister is a doormat to her husband and his church. I have no idea how it happened to her. I feel sorry for her. I feel sorry for her son she had with this man.
I would not be friends with my sister if I had met her off the street.
This wasn't always the case. She and I are what people would 'nicely' call Irish Twins. We're about 14 months apart. (poor mom) And, because the Louisiana education system tests kids on their personality as well as their education, my sister, 'Jane', and I ended up in the same grade. We've been in the same grade since kindergarten. The schools did their best at keeping us separate but, we usually had the same homeroom class, friends, and teachers.
Outside of school we were inseparable. 'Jane' was my partner in crime, my best friend, my confidant. When she got picked on in school, I stood up for her. When I was struggling with 'girl problems' she was there to guide me through. We supported each other through our parent's divorce, arguments with our other sister, 'Carol', our mom dating and eventually remarrying, homework, boyfriends, breakups, and injuries. We fought like children and loved like sisters.
'Jane' was always the more level-headed, calm, disciplined, and mature one of the two of us. I looked to her for guidance. I respected her as a strong woman.
'Jane' never really like my boyfriends just like I never really cared for hers. She dated and married one guy really quickly. Almost forcefully so. Surprisingly, it didn't last. (HEAVY sarcasm) They divorced a year or two later. The entire family was relieved. We did not think this dude was up to her standards. She was devastated.
But, in true 'Jane' fashion, my sister pulled herself up, got herself together, and moved on. She was thriving! She was everything I wanted to be. She was amazing and I looked up to her as a role model.
Until she decided that she needed to be married and have a family.
Let me be clear: my sister wanting to be married, own a home, have children, and drive a minivan is not why I no longer respect her. My other sister, 'Carol', has all of that too and I adore her. My best friend has all of that and I think she hung the moon. The difference is 'Jane' has those things because she thinks it's what makes her a 'proper woman' and those things equal a 'proper life'. And, she lets her idiot husband walk all over her because of it.
'Jane' found this douche-waffle on one of those paid-for online dating websites. Fine, whatever. She had a wish list of what she was looking for in a man and this guy didn't match up but, she somehow still connected with him and went on a date. (I blame the website) She went on one date with this guy and immediately stopped talking or attempting to meet anyone else on the site.
She married him not too long later and had a son (whom I adore!). She also married his psychotic family and his even more dysfunctional ex-wife.
Do I think it's fair to judge someone solely on their baggage? No, of course not. I'm judging this man on how he treats my sister like a slave, takes advantage of her good credit score (which he's ruined), uses her as a babysitter for his kid from his first marriage, he's a complete lazy ass who quit his job when 'Jane' had just given birth so they lost their insurance, how he treats my parents, how he makes me feel uncomfortable when he's around me, AND his psycho baggage.
I've expressed all this to 'Jane' who laughed me off by saying I was jealous of her life, how I don't see how he is at home, and I've never been married so I 'don't get it'. Fine, she doesn't want outside help? Deal. I left it alone. She lives several states from me so I don't have to see or talk with her or her idiot husband often.
But, damnit, I hate that.
I hate that I no longer have my sister. My other sister, 'Carol', married a great man. Goofy as hell but he treats her well, takes care of his son, and provides well for them. 'Carol' is also still my sister. She made her own career before she got married and still has it. She makes a very good living on her own. The two are a true partnership in their home, in raising their son, and in the world. But, they both are still exactly who they were before they got married.
'Jane' changed as soon as she met that fucktard. It's like she's incapable of making well, thought out decisions. She jumped wholeheartedly into his life and religion that she lost herself. I no longer see her as a strong, independent, intelligent woman who makes good choices. I see her as a woman who is stuck in a marriage that is drowning her and she refuses to let go of the dead weight that is killing her.
Today was the final straw for me. She posted an articled titled 'Stop Being A Butthole Wife'. This article, written by a former stay-at-home wife and 'good Christian woman', explains how a wife shouldn't nag her husband about picking up after himself or pick at the little things he does that she deems 'wrong' and 'careless'. She felt that women should let things like this go because our husbands might die then you will miss having to do little things for him.
Dumbass 'butthole' article:
http://herviewfromhome.com/stop-being-a-butthole-wife/
Here's what pissed me off the most: Anyone can die at any time for any reason. This does not give them a pass to act like an asshole. I've known plenty of men who know how to pick up after themselves without having to make their spouses do it. The author went on to explain that she remarried and now she happily picks up after her new husband. Here's a fun excerpt from the article:
"I knew he had hurried to change out of work clothes into comfy clothes so he could spend time with his new family. He had chosen what is more important. I happily scooped the treasures into my arms and carried them to the washing machine. "
He hurried up to change clothes and left them there because he knew what was more important???? What he obviously thought was important was making you pick up after him so he could be a slob. That's what happened here. You allowed your husband to treat you like his maid. Not his equal.
'Jane' wanted to rush to get married so she could finally be who she thought she had to be. She always resented the fact that our father left us. She tried to hide the fact that we came from a divorced family as much as possible. Now she has a kid with this douche-canoe and refuses to see all the problems he creates for her. She refuses to see them because, I think, she would be ashamed to appear like a broken family. She's trying so desperately to be 'normal' that she can't see how much she's not herself anymore. And I'm devastated for her.
I won't interfere anymore because she has been adamant that she's happy but, I won't pretend to not notice it anymore. It sucks but I feel like I have one sister and one kinda-close cousin.
The saddest part is that I have a set of cousins where there were 3 sisters. One died when she was 19 in a car crash. Drunk driver hit her. I know that my two cousins would do anything to have their sister back. Even if she was different. Even if she married a total asshat and changed. They wouldn't care.
I love my sister. I want the best for her. I wish I still had my best friend, partner in crime, and confidant. I'm thankful I still have her in my life but, I won't encourage her in destroying herself anymore.
Maybe I am the asshole atheist that doesn't 'get it' but, I can see a person losing their identity just as well as anyone else. But, today, I unfollowed her on Facebook. I sent her a message saying that I can no longer watch her berate herself for not being supportive enough to her lazy, asshole of a husband. This won't end well, I'm sure. But, several years ago she told me that she unfollowed me because she didn't want to see my atheist posts anymore. Guess it's my turn to let go.
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