My Strong, Independent, Church-Going Mother

I will never understand why so many women are still a part of any religion. Especially any one that follows Judeo-Christianity. I read this article form AlterNet.org:

http://www.alternet.org/gender/20-vile-quotes-against-women-religious-leaders-st-augustine-pat-robertson?page=0%2C0

It has some of the most vile things that have been written or said about women from some of the most famous names in the Christian religions. Here's a good quote:

• "Woman is a temple built over a sewer."  —Tertullian

OR... 

• "The word and works of God is quite clear, that women were made either to be wives or prostitutes." — Martin Luther, Reformer (1483-1546)

Thanks, Martin! How about this one: 

• "The Holiness of God is not evidenced in women when they are brash, brassy, boisterous, brazen, head-strong, strong-willed, loud-mouthed, overly-talkative, having to have the last word, challenging, controlling, manipulative, critical, conceited, arrogant, aggressive, assertive, strident, interruptive, undisciplined, insubordinate, disruptive, dominating, domineering, or clamoring for power. Rather, women accept God’s holy order and character by being humbly and unobtrusively respectful and receptive in functional subordination to God, church leadership, and husbands." — James Fowler, Women in the Church, 1999.

Go fuck yourself, James. 

My mother was a great student. She skipped her junior year of high school and graduated early. She took a few college courses before she married my father and started a family. After my father left, my mother moved her three girls into her parent's home so she could return to school to earn her bachelors degree. After she graduated she had the courage to move us to a new state for work. She had a job lined up but she had no family, no support system, and no knowledge of the state of Florida. She found us a home, good schools, and made sure we were involved with the community to gain friends. She worked two jobs during the holiday season so we could have a nice Christmas. She worked late, sacrificed a personal life, and still made sure we all did our homework every night. My mother is my greatest role model. 

Unfortunately, my mother is also a Christian. She took us to a Church of Christ. It was the religion she had grown up in. It was the only religion I'd known for most of my life. (Catholics and Jews were just Hollywood stuff) Every week we were reminded that the woman's role was to serve her husband and run the home. My sisters and I were looked down upon because we didn't have a father. My mother was treated like a broken woman because she didn't have a man in her life to take care of her. 

I was appalled that my mother seemed to believe what others thought about her. She would cry. She would say that she just wanted us to be able to find a nice, god-fearing man and start a good church-loving family. Was that all she wanted for me? How could she give me all these examples for how a woman can be as strong as steel but, as weak as scripture? 

To this day I have internal battles with what I was taught was destined for me and what I truly want for myself. I struggle with the deep-rooted belief that I should be married. I should be taking care of a household. I should be having children. I should be submissive. 

But I'll never be those things.  And I'm angry that I still have this nagging feeling, that by not being who the church wants me to be, somehow makes me less of a person. Less of a woman. My strong, independent, church-going mother brainwashed me into believing that I can't be as strong as her.