I just read an article on Yahoo about a woman who is Christian and married an Atheist man. She insisted throughout the article that she and her husband were in love and they will keep fighting to stay married and happy.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/im-christian-married-atheist-heres-170000627.html
They met online, they both knew the other's religious views, got engaged in 3 months, she had a spiritual crisis, he said he was saved, they got married, she was thrilled. Several years later he comes out and says he is no longer a believer and is now an atheist again.
Raise hands- who thinks he 'found Jesus' to get her to marry him?? **hand shoots up**
She rattles on and on for several paragraphs about how they listen to each other and she refuses to nag him about going to church and he doesn't "throw her to the wolves" when around other atheist friends and family.
They even have children together!! "I want my kids to come to God on their own terms. I have no desire to brainwash them. Dave (husband) agrees. He’s fine with them having faith as long as I don’t force it on them."
Are you serious? Are you fucking serious, you psycho Christian windbag?!
Life Hint: if you bring kids to YOUR church and put them in YOUR Sunday school every Sunday you're brainwashing them. I don't care if you pretend that you're the cool religious mom who lets your kids learn about other 'myths'. As long as you take them to your church and tell them that your beliefs are the 'real' ones, then you are brainwashing them! That's how religion works! You've got to get the kids hooked early! Otherwise no rational adult would believe this nonsense!
There is no way in fictional hell these two are going to stay married for much longer.
Every time this woman's husband challenges her beliefs and pushes her to dig deeper in her bible he's secretly hoping she will FINALLY discover that her religion is bullshit. I guarantee it!
She hopes that he will eventually see her as a good, happy, respectful person and want to join in on the fun. Really? Is him staying home on a Sunday morning making him into a terrible person? Is he beating you or your kids? Is he stealing form his job? Does he even have a job? What about him being an atheists makes him less happy, fulfilled, respectful, or good to you, lady? If he wasn't a good person you wouldn't be fighting so hard to stay with him.
Stop lying to yourself.
The last time I dated a religious person it was a nightmare. Between having stupid arguments about his 'sky-daddy', his parents giving me shit about how to be a godly wife, and him beating the crap out of me, I've got to say that dating an atheist is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I will never go back.
Good luck in your delusion, lady!
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
Thursday, November 10, 2016
Let's Get This Clear: I'm Not Afraid of Donald Trump Being President
....but I AM petrified of his redneck, hillbilly, coon-ass, gun-toting, racist, misogynistic, klan supporting followers.
Tuesday night I showed up to the Secular Hub in Denver expecting an awesome yet short party. We were about to witness the first female president and I for one was excited! I had my 'I Voted' sticker on. I was baking cookies (I'm a feminist but a fat one). I was surrounded by my secular friends. I had my leopard print snuggie.
I was ready.
By 10 pm I had a disaster on my hands at the Hub. People were falling apart. I had at least two criers, one pacing the floor, one sitting against the wall gazing from the big screen on the wall to his phone showing another live-stream of the results. He was muttering something about Pennsylvania. We were getting angrier and more and more shocked.
So, here we are. One day down into president-elect Trump. Riots have been happening. I'm not proud of my fellow liberals for resorting to that. Destruction of private property is never OK.
Trump ran a campaign of 'not being a politician'. He is crude, disgusting, a complete pervert, and, as we have seen, a poor businessman. He made money, of course. He's a billionaire. But, he has so much because he was given a HUGE head start by his father and he has had the rare opportunity to stick his tiny hands into as many money-making things as possible. He won some, lost way more.
But, here's what I think everyone is missing. Trump can't do all he has promised to do. He simply can't. The presidency isn't a dictatorship. He can't just demand that the country goes his way. He isn't allowed to make up new regulations and laws willy-nilly. It's a country, not a corporation.
What I am concerned about is how much this is going to divide our nation on the ground level. People don't feel safe and that's because Trump's main supporters are the under-educated, lower-class, white population.
We're going to have another situation like Britain did after Brexit. People will be harassed in the streets. We are already seeing reports of violence against people of color, property damage, hurtful graffiti, etc. I'm truly scared for the safety of my rights as a woman, as a secular person, and for my relationship with a black man. I'm scared for the safety of my friends of color, my LGBTQ friends, and my other secular and female friends.
I'm also afraid of who will be elected to the Supreme Court. I'm literally watching this country regress; not because of some orange, tiny-handed goof ball. But because of what he represents.
I heard someone say that this is backlash from all the PC culture from the past several years. Sure, OK. I agree that there are sometimes when the PC police can be a little stifling. But, you really have to think. There are some instances where we need to be reminded that some jokes just aren't funny. We need to remember that dressing up like a Native American for Halloween is rude and disrespectful.
And the people who are tired of being shushed about these things really need to just come out and say that they don't care about unifying the country. They understand that they are intentionally being in support of rape, racism, violence, and are anti-American. They think that their race, status, and culture is superior and others can go fuck themselves. They need to look me in the eye and tell me that people like me don't matter.
Then maybe, just maybe, I'll at the very least respect them for being honest.
"God Bless the USA"? God-less USA!
Tuesday night I showed up to the Secular Hub in Denver expecting an awesome yet short party. We were about to witness the first female president and I for one was excited! I had my 'I Voted' sticker on. I was baking cookies (I'm a feminist but a fat one). I was surrounded by my secular friends. I had my leopard print snuggie.
I was ready.
By 10 pm I had a disaster on my hands at the Hub. People were falling apart. I had at least two criers, one pacing the floor, one sitting against the wall gazing from the big screen on the wall to his phone showing another live-stream of the results. He was muttering something about Pennsylvania. We were getting angrier and more and more shocked.
So, here we are. One day down into president-elect Trump. Riots have been happening. I'm not proud of my fellow liberals for resorting to that. Destruction of private property is never OK.
Trump ran a campaign of 'not being a politician'. He is crude, disgusting, a complete pervert, and, as we have seen, a poor businessman. He made money, of course. He's a billionaire. But, he has so much because he was given a HUGE head start by his father and he has had the rare opportunity to stick his tiny hands into as many money-making things as possible. He won some, lost way more.
But, here's what I think everyone is missing. Trump can't do all he has promised to do. He simply can't. The presidency isn't a dictatorship. He can't just demand that the country goes his way. He isn't allowed to make up new regulations and laws willy-nilly. It's a country, not a corporation.
What I am concerned about is how much this is going to divide our nation on the ground level. People don't feel safe and that's because Trump's main supporters are the under-educated, lower-class, white population.
We're going to have another situation like Britain did after Brexit. People will be harassed in the streets. We are already seeing reports of violence against people of color, property damage, hurtful graffiti, etc. I'm truly scared for the safety of my rights as a woman, as a secular person, and for my relationship with a black man. I'm scared for the safety of my friends of color, my LGBTQ friends, and my other secular and female friends.
I'm also afraid of who will be elected to the Supreme Court. I'm literally watching this country regress; not because of some orange, tiny-handed goof ball. But because of what he represents.
I heard someone say that this is backlash from all the PC culture from the past several years. Sure, OK. I agree that there are sometimes when the PC police can be a little stifling. But, you really have to think. There are some instances where we need to be reminded that some jokes just aren't funny. We need to remember that dressing up like a Native American for Halloween is rude and disrespectful.
And the people who are tired of being shushed about these things really need to just come out and say that they don't care about unifying the country. They understand that they are intentionally being in support of rape, racism, violence, and are anti-American. They think that their race, status, and culture is superior and others can go fuck themselves. They need to look me in the eye and tell me that people like me don't matter.
Then maybe, just maybe, I'll at the very least respect them for being honest.
"God Bless the USA"? God-less USA!
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
My Most Recent Run-In With An SJW
Let me clarify my definition of an 'SJW'. An SJW, to me, is someone who has ruined the feminist movement, someone who feels it's their personal duty to shame everyone for anything they deem offensive, someone who has lost all sense of humor somewhere in their life.
SJWs are people, usually a woman, who get 'triggered' at the slightest hint of an opposing opinion. They are the ones who demand 'safe spaces' on college universities. They are the ones who claim 'PTSD' from online abuse yet refuse to close their social media accounts.
They are jokes, laughing stocks, of the progressive movement.
Let's get this straight. I do not believe that the world is hunky-dory. I do think there are still serious issues with racism, sexism, homophobia, and classism in this country. And, I definitely believe that these issues need to be addressed, brought into public light, talked about, and changed.
I believe that SJWs are trying to make us less equal. They are trying to tip the scales in their favor and are doing more harm than good.
And, personally, I believe that some SJWs protest, claim discrimination, make up reasons to judge others, and claim persecution just to seek attention. They are not seeking equality. They are seeking a fight so they can be a martyr. They are attention whores.
This may seem harsh of me. But, that's the only thing I can think of when I was called out for 'making fun of gay people' over the weekend.
I'm not gay. I'm not bisexual. I'm not trans, asexual, pansexual, or queer. I'm an ally. I have been for many years. I've been a member of HRC since the day I learned about them. I've protested with others against Westboro Baptist Church numerous times. I was a member and dubbed 'Special Lady Friend' of my college's LGBT group. I have always been in support of LGBT rights.
Some SJW essentially questioned my support of all things rainbow when she uttered this phrase: "I feel like you're making fun of gay people for being gay and that's not very welcoming."
Backstory: I was at the Secular Hub over the weekend for a debate about a proposed amendment in Colorado coming up on the ballot. After the debate a small group of new members, old members, and guests were hanging back and talking. One member had gone to the gay bar across the street the previous night. Seeing as he was the first of our group to go to the bar, and he is a reserved straight man, we asked him about his experience. The situation was funny. His description of his visit was funny. His being approached by a man and the member's awkward reaction was funny.
We laughed. The member laughed. Another Hub member who happens to be gay and who was also a part of the conversation laughed. Everyone but one person laughed. The SJW was not laughing.
The SJW spoke about how we were being intolerant of the gay bar across the street. She has questioned me repeatedly about why I specifically call the bar across the street a 'gay bar'. Because it's a gay bar. A bar that caters specifically to gay men. Bears, actually. If it was a bar for stereotypical Latin men, I'd call it a 'cholo' bar. If it was a bar for lesbians (which it has been before), I'd call it a lesbian bar. If it was a bar for rich, snobby, white people, I'd call it a WASP bar.
And the only problem I have with them is that they park in our parking lot which makes it hard for our members to park. That's it.
There is a thing happening to progressive liberals. It's called regressive liberalism, the regressive left, or anything else with 'regressive' in it. And, it's fucking annoying.
I like to think of myself as a bleeding-heart liberal but, honestly, there may be enough southern conservative in me to be able to see the regressive left as a bunch of whiny, self-absorbed, special snowflakes who have way more first-world privilege than they'd like to admit.
I know I've written a blog post before about being a 'bad feminist'. I think some sexist jokes are hilarious. I love making my boyfriend dinner...which sometimes includes a sandwich. I can be feminist and understand that sometimes situations and stereotypes about myself can be funny. I also make fun of my weight, how white I am, and the fact that I'm southern and we have a notoriously poor education system. It's funny.
Do we not see how calling things that upset you 'triggering' and making others censor themselves for your personal psyche as the most asinine and backwards thing ever? Do we not see what kind of first-world, privilege nonsense it is to demand that we be guarded from the big, scary world?
Suck it up, princess. Everyone deals with hard things to see and hear on a daily, if not hourly, basis. Part of growing up and acting like an adult is learning how to control your emotions and process hurtful, bad, upsetting, negative things.
Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to agree with you. Not everyone is going to see the world exactly as you do. And that's A-OK. That's the beauty of life. If everyone looked, acted, thought, and lived just like you....this planet would be boring as hell.
Because, honestly, without this nonsense to complain about, I think many of these SJWs would be just that. Boring. They've made this cause their entire life to the point where there is nothing else interesting about them. Maybe that's why they are so hairpin-triggered about everything? They are trying desperately to be relevant.
There are those out there that need to be standing up for what is right. There are plenty of causes that need champions. But, the regressive liberals and the SJWs are hurting the cause more than helping. And, I'm not sure how much longer I can be tolerant of it.
SJWs are people, usually a woman, who get 'triggered' at the slightest hint of an opposing opinion. They are the ones who demand 'safe spaces' on college universities. They are the ones who claim 'PTSD' from online abuse yet refuse to close their social media accounts.
They are jokes, laughing stocks, of the progressive movement.
Let's get this straight. I do not believe that the world is hunky-dory. I do think there are still serious issues with racism, sexism, homophobia, and classism in this country. And, I definitely believe that these issues need to be addressed, brought into public light, talked about, and changed.
I believe that SJWs are trying to make us less equal. They are trying to tip the scales in their favor and are doing more harm than good.
And, personally, I believe that some SJWs protest, claim discrimination, make up reasons to judge others, and claim persecution just to seek attention. They are not seeking equality. They are seeking a fight so they can be a martyr. They are attention whores.
This may seem harsh of me. But, that's the only thing I can think of when I was called out for 'making fun of gay people' over the weekend.
I'm not gay. I'm not bisexual. I'm not trans, asexual, pansexual, or queer. I'm an ally. I have been for many years. I've been a member of HRC since the day I learned about them. I've protested with others against Westboro Baptist Church numerous times. I was a member and dubbed 'Special Lady Friend' of my college's LGBT group. I have always been in support of LGBT rights.
Some SJW essentially questioned my support of all things rainbow when she uttered this phrase: "I feel like you're making fun of gay people for being gay and that's not very welcoming."
Backstory: I was at the Secular Hub over the weekend for a debate about a proposed amendment in Colorado coming up on the ballot. After the debate a small group of new members, old members, and guests were hanging back and talking. One member had gone to the gay bar across the street the previous night. Seeing as he was the first of our group to go to the bar, and he is a reserved straight man, we asked him about his experience. The situation was funny. His description of his visit was funny. His being approached by a man and the member's awkward reaction was funny.
We laughed. The member laughed. Another Hub member who happens to be gay and who was also a part of the conversation laughed. Everyone but one person laughed. The SJW was not laughing.
The SJW spoke about how we were being intolerant of the gay bar across the street. She has questioned me repeatedly about why I specifically call the bar across the street a 'gay bar'. Because it's a gay bar. A bar that caters specifically to gay men. Bears, actually. If it was a bar for stereotypical Latin men, I'd call it a 'cholo' bar. If it was a bar for lesbians (which it has been before), I'd call it a lesbian bar. If it was a bar for rich, snobby, white people, I'd call it a WASP bar.
And the only problem I have with them is that they park in our parking lot which makes it hard for our members to park. That's it.
There is a thing happening to progressive liberals. It's called regressive liberalism, the regressive left, or anything else with 'regressive' in it. And, it's fucking annoying.
I like to think of myself as a bleeding-heart liberal but, honestly, there may be enough southern conservative in me to be able to see the regressive left as a bunch of whiny, self-absorbed, special snowflakes who have way more first-world privilege than they'd like to admit.
I know I've written a blog post before about being a 'bad feminist'. I think some sexist jokes are hilarious. I love making my boyfriend dinner...which sometimes includes a sandwich. I can be feminist and understand that sometimes situations and stereotypes about myself can be funny. I also make fun of my weight, how white I am, and the fact that I'm southern and we have a notoriously poor education system. It's funny.
Do we not see how calling things that upset you 'triggering' and making others censor themselves for your personal psyche as the most asinine and backwards thing ever? Do we not see what kind of first-world, privilege nonsense it is to demand that we be guarded from the big, scary world?
Suck it up, princess. Everyone deals with hard things to see and hear on a daily, if not hourly, basis. Part of growing up and acting like an adult is learning how to control your emotions and process hurtful, bad, upsetting, negative things.
Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to agree with you. Not everyone is going to see the world exactly as you do. And that's A-OK. That's the beauty of life. If everyone looked, acted, thought, and lived just like you....this planet would be boring as hell.
Because, honestly, without this nonsense to complain about, I think many of these SJWs would be just that. Boring. They've made this cause their entire life to the point where there is nothing else interesting about them. Maybe that's why they are so hairpin-triggered about everything? They are trying desperately to be relevant.
There are those out there that need to be standing up for what is right. There are plenty of causes that need champions. But, the regressive liberals and the SJWs are hurting the cause more than helping. And, I'm not sure how much longer I can be tolerant of it.
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
Thoughts and Prayers: Religions Way of Doing Nothing But Still Feeling Good About It
"Thoughts and Prayers" has become almost a mantra for people on all forms of social media. It's a hashtag. It's a go-to phrase for when someone on Facebook is talking about an illness or death. It's the new automatic response that everyone says out of habit.
Person 1: **sneeze**
Person 2: Bless You!
-same as-
Person 1: Grandma died
Person 2: Thoughts and Prayers!
The 'thoughts and prayers' social media movement has got to be the shittiest, most entitled, new thing out there. But, how new and how helpful is it?
Where I grew up it was usually just, "I'm sorry. You're in my prayers" when someone had a rough time. I'm not sure where the 'thoughts' came from. Maybe it was a a faster way to also say, "We're thinking about you"?
Either way it's lost some it's 'umpf'. Since I grew up in a religion, I understand the meaning behind the gesture of someone praying for you. For religious people this is something they can do when they feel helpless, or are too far away from the situation to actually help. It used to mean something to me; even when I left religion. It means that someone was going to take time out of their day to think about me and my troubles. It was a nice thought.
Because, sometimes, what else can a religious person do? They are helping the best way they know how. (Because donating money, picking up a hammer, or visiting a sick person is hard)
But, let's be honest. It helps them. And only them.
Back when I was trying to be religious (being honest here; I tried hard to fit in) and I would pray, I would end up having a good cry. I would pray about heavy things that were really weighing on my mind. People dying, 9/11, my grandfather being sick with Alzheimers, etc. I felt that crying during prayer was one of the only times I was allowed to. (Everyone has rough times; I don't like to complain about my situation to people) And I felt better afterward. I thought that maybe the prayer thing was working.
Now I know that having a good cry let's you get some emotions out. I'm still not a big crier but, every now and then I have a good cry session and I feel better.
'Talking to god' wasn't what I needed. It didn't help the situation. No one came back from death, terrorists weren't wiped out, my grandfather still has no idea who he, or anyone else, is.
No one, absolutely no one, has EVER been healed because of prayer. Your kid didn't recover from cancer because of prayer. You didn't win the lottery because of prayer. Your situation in life doesn't change because of prayer.
I've always been confused by prayer, actually. What exactly are you expecting to do?
Why are you thanking god for the food you have? Are you saying, "Thank god I have food and half the world's population doesn't"?
Why are asking him to change his plans for your life? Was his plan not good enough for you, you entitled little shit?
Why do we make kids recite a prayer every night that teaches them they may die in their sleep? Because that's not terrifying....Fuck monsters under your bed. God might let you just die in your wet PJs.
If god has a plan and it's supposed to be a perfect, albeit mysterious, plan, then what's the point in asking him to change it? If you don't thank god for your food will it magically disappear? If a kid doesn't pray before they go to bed and they die in their sleep do they go to hell?
And, if god 'knows what's in your heart' why do you have to get on your knees and beg for forgiveness, thank him for things, or praise him? To be humble? Because god wants you to gravel at his feet? Sounds very loving of him.
'Thoughts and Prayers' is one of the most frustrating things for an atheist to hear. It does nothing and has become an automatic phrase people say absentmindedly. I used to get why people would say they were praying for me. It was supposed to be a nice gesture to say to someone when you didn't know what else to say or do.
Now, it's just something people say to make themselves look like a caring person and we atheists can see right through your bullshit.
Also, using 'I'll pray for you' like a weapon is not hurtful or humbling. It just makes you look like a self-righteous bitch. Stop it.
Friday, September 16, 2016
Why Live Action's Debunking of Planned Parenthood's 3% Abortion Statistic Need To Be Debunked
So, today I found an article from Faux News containing a video from Live Action. (Don;t judge me about the Faux News...it happens) The video is about the 'debunking' of Planned Parenthood's 3% abortion statistic. Here is the video on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtgqxvaV-8U
Please, take the 4 minutes to watch them desperately try to make PP into a monster by counting the service of an STI test or pregnancy test........as a service.
Planned Parenthood counts services they give to a women as services and they count the service of abortion as a service. (Try saying that three times fast) There is nothing sinister about this.
The video makers seems to think that the cost of a service is what should count. Abortions range from $400-$1500, sure, and pregnancy tests can be about $10. Fine. But that doesn't mean that the abortion should count more than the test. Both are services. Try telling your doctor that they don't need to charge you for labs or time spent because the real reason you're there is because of the meds. (wink wink)
And, yes, the 3% abortion statistic makes sense when you divide the number of patients they see by the number of services they provide. Just because you don't like their qualifiers doesn't mean you get to call the math 'bogus'.
Is the number misleading? Maybe. I'll give you that. If abortions were not such a 'hot button' issue then maybe they wouldn't need to have the 3% number. They could easily say that 1 in 8 women go to Planned Parenthood for abortions. They could easily say that 30% of their funding comes from providing abortions. Sure. But, you're right. It's a PR problem.
Because organizations like yours have MADE it into a PR problem.
Also, don't think I didn't notice how you kept saying 'commit' instead of 'performed'. Planned Parenthood performs medical procedures. You don't commit them. You are intentionally trying to make it sound sinister.
The video used The Washington Post's Fact Checking article for some of it's data:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2015/08/12/for-planned-parenthood-abortion-stats-3-percent-and-94-percent-are-both-misleading/
This article also notes that the anti-choice foundation Susan B Anthony List uses misleading numbers as well. Guess how many times the video mentions this?
This is from that article:
"But Planned Parenthood does not provide the number of pregnant clients it has in a year, or what services they received. So pregnant women may have come to the clinic to receive a service other than (or in addition to) an abortion, prenatal care or adoption referral — the only three services counted in SBA List’s criteria. SBA List also does not include 1.13 million pregnancy tests, a portion of which may be given to a pregnant woman.
"Multiple prenatal services may be offered to one woman, so the prenatal services number may not compare directly to the number of adoption procedures (assuming one abortion per woman). The 2013 report does not identify the number of prenatal clients, but Planned Parenthood numbers from 2009 give us an idea of how these numbers can differ. Planned Parenthood reported 7,021 prenatal clients in 2009, but also reported in its 2010 annual report that it provided 40,489 prenatal services in 2009.
"Planned Parenthood clinics also refer pregnant patients to outside providers for prenatal services. A spokeswoman recently told PolitiFact that the organization does not record the number of such referrals.
"Knowing the full number of referrals for various pregnancy-related services would give a fuller picture. For example, Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains partners with a midwifery practice for its Prenatal Plus Program, assigning case managers to help pregnant women with parenting classes, counselors and a registered dietician. Planned Parenthood Mid and South Michigan connects pregnant women with community resources for a variety of pregnancy-related services."
So, it sounds like Planned Parenthood took the actual services THEY provide, divided them by the number of people THEY rendered those services to and came up with the 3%. It sounds misleading. But, the math checks out. Anti-choice people don't like it. And that's fine. But, Roe v Wade granted US women the right to chose what happens to their bodies. That's that. No amount of fear mongering will change that.
Planned Parenthood is providing a safe and legal option for women. They have become to go-to for women because they provide the compassionate care to all income levels. And I will always fight to make sure all women have the right to go there for services.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtgqxvaV-8U
Please, take the 4 minutes to watch them desperately try to make PP into a monster by counting the service of an STI test or pregnancy test........as a service.
Planned Parenthood counts services they give to a women as services and they count the service of abortion as a service. (Try saying that three times fast) There is nothing sinister about this.
The video makers seems to think that the cost of a service is what should count. Abortions range from $400-$1500, sure, and pregnancy tests can be about $10. Fine. But that doesn't mean that the abortion should count more than the test. Both are services. Try telling your doctor that they don't need to charge you for labs or time spent because the real reason you're there is because of the meds. (wink wink)
And, yes, the 3% abortion statistic makes sense when you divide the number of patients they see by the number of services they provide. Just because you don't like their qualifiers doesn't mean you get to call the math 'bogus'.
Is the number misleading? Maybe. I'll give you that. If abortions were not such a 'hot button' issue then maybe they wouldn't need to have the 3% number. They could easily say that 1 in 8 women go to Planned Parenthood for abortions. They could easily say that 30% of their funding comes from providing abortions. Sure. But, you're right. It's a PR problem.
Because organizations like yours have MADE it into a PR problem.
Also, don't think I didn't notice how you kept saying 'commit' instead of 'performed'. Planned Parenthood performs medical procedures. You don't commit them. You are intentionally trying to make it sound sinister.
The video used The Washington Post's Fact Checking article for some of it's data:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2015/08/12/for-planned-parenthood-abortion-stats-3-percent-and-94-percent-are-both-misleading/
This article also notes that the anti-choice foundation Susan B Anthony List uses misleading numbers as well. Guess how many times the video mentions this?
This is from that article:
"But Planned Parenthood does not provide the number of pregnant clients it has in a year, or what services they received. So pregnant women may have come to the clinic to receive a service other than (or in addition to) an abortion, prenatal care or adoption referral — the only three services counted in SBA List’s criteria. SBA List also does not include 1.13 million pregnancy tests, a portion of which may be given to a pregnant woman.
"Multiple prenatal services may be offered to one woman, so the prenatal services number may not compare directly to the number of adoption procedures (assuming one abortion per woman). The 2013 report does not identify the number of prenatal clients, but Planned Parenthood numbers from 2009 give us an idea of how these numbers can differ. Planned Parenthood reported 7,021 prenatal clients in 2009, but also reported in its 2010 annual report that it provided 40,489 prenatal services in 2009.
"Planned Parenthood clinics also refer pregnant patients to outside providers for prenatal services. A spokeswoman recently told PolitiFact that the organization does not record the number of such referrals.
"Knowing the full number of referrals for various pregnancy-related services would give a fuller picture. For example, Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains partners with a midwifery practice for its Prenatal Plus Program, assigning case managers to help pregnant women with parenting classes, counselors and a registered dietician. Planned Parenthood Mid and South Michigan connects pregnant women with community resources for a variety of pregnancy-related services."
So, it sounds like Planned Parenthood took the actual services THEY provide, divided them by the number of people THEY rendered those services to and came up with the 3%. It sounds misleading. But, the math checks out. Anti-choice people don't like it. And that's fine. But, Roe v Wade granted US women the right to chose what happens to their bodies. That's that. No amount of fear mongering will change that.
Planned Parenthood is providing a safe and legal option for women. They have become to go-to for women because they provide the compassionate care to all income levels. And I will always fight to make sure all women have the right to go there for services.
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
I support the University of Chicago in Not Supporting #SafeSpaces
The Chicago Tribune released a report yesterday. In it they showed a letter that the University of Chicago class of 2020 received announcing that the university would not be providing 'trigger warnings' or 'intellectual safe spaces' for their students.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/ct-university-of-chicago-safe-spaces-letter-met-20160825-story.html
The letter said, in part, that the university does not support "so called 'trigger warning'", [does] not cancel invited speakers because their topics might prove controversial, and we do not condone the creation of intellectual 'safe spaces' where individuals can retreat from ideas and perspectives at odds with their own."
I completely support this decision and applaud them for their stance.
Let me explain...
I completely understand PTSD. I understand that people have it and a trigger warring is helpful in their lives. But this is getting ridiculous. Much of the controversy is coming down to definitions of the words 'trigger warnings', 'safe spaces', etc.
A 'trigger' is some word, image, or expression that 'triggers' an unintentional response, feeling, or emotion from a person. This is my understanding of the verb form of the word.
Here is the formal definition of the verb form of 'trigger':
The definition of 'trauma trigger' is: "...an experience that causes someone to recall a previous traumatic memory, although the trigger itself need not be frightening or traumatic and can be indirectly or superficially reminiscent an earlier traumatic incident."
I believe that the 'trauma trigger' is the kind of 'trigger' we are speaking about here. Here's my issue with 'trauma trigger warnings': you never know what will 'trigger' someone. Cars backfiring, the word taco, topics that include assault, talks on same-sex marriage, a cat, someone wearing a green dress, talks about IEDs, etc.
If a professor wants to put a trigger warning on their syllabus, fine. If they have had the experience that something in their class is going to be 'triggering' for someone, understood. But, the university cannot be expected to cater to every tiny thing that may set someone off. University or college is where an individual gets their first lesson in dealing with the real world and the real world doesn't have 'trigger warnings'.
Intellectual safe space? What the hell is that? I looked it up because I thought maybe I just didn't understand what they are talking about. I found an article from The Advocate entitled "Does University of Chicago Know Meaning of Safe Space?"
http://www.advocate.com/youth/2016/8/26/does-university-chicago-know-meaning-safe-spaces
I read it because I really wanted to make sure I knew that the term meant. They spoke with Campus Pride founder Shane Windmeyer who had this to say: "The intent of safe spaces is to empower colleges to support the needs of LGBTQ students by educating them on creating spaces where students feel comfortable to discuss issues of sexuality and gender identity."
Okay, I get it. Safe spaces were started for those being harassed can go to feel safe and get help. And I support them. I, myself, had a pin on my backpack in college delegating myself as a safe space for LGBTQ AND secular students. But, that was something I took on myself. I saw some of my professors with 'safe space' signs in their office windows. Again, this is easily something an individual can provide. I also joined many student-lead organizations that supported LGBTQ and secular students. That's where I found my safe spaces. I was responsible for seeking out those spaces or creating them if needed.
However, some groups have made it out that they need a space to go to when they have their opinions challenged. This is not something a university must provide for. I understand their main priority is to educate and challenge not hand hold.
And, sorry not sorry, if your university or a student-lead organization has invited a speaker to the campus and you do not agree with that...don't fucking go. OR you can act like a good adult, attend and listen to what the speaker says, ask questions, maybe, I don't know, LEARN SOMETHING. Even if you still don't agree with them at least you will have a better understanding of why you don't agree. Trust me, it makes you the better person when you are able to listen to varying opinions, entertain them, and still reject them. You're allowed to reject ideas. You are not allowed to silence others because you don't agree.
Universities are places where your ideas and beliefs are supposed to be challenged. But, they can not be responsible for students' emotional health, according a report issued by American Association of University Professors. That responsibility lies with counselors and other mental health experts which are sometimes already provided by the universities.
"Some discomfort is inevitable in classrooms if the goal is to expose students to new ideas, have them question beliefs they have taken for granted, grapple with ethical problems they have never considered, and, more generally, expand their horizons so as to become informed and responsible democratic citizens," an AAUP committee wrote in a 2014 report on the issue. "Trigger warnings suggest that classrooms should offer protection and comfort rather than an intellectually challenging education. They reduce students to vulnerable victims rather than full participants in the intellectual process of education."
As someone who is a survivor of an assault, I HATE when people give me a 'trigger warning'. I still jump when I hear a loud noise. Men who resemble my attacker will still make me uncomfortable. But they are my issues and I work through them when they happen.
I understand that not everyone feels the same way I do. But, I would rather handle my own emotions myself. They are, after all, my responsibility. And, after I was assaulted I sought emotional help and I received good (and FREE) care from an organization that was funded by the state. Help is out there. If you really need more emotional or psychological help, please seek it out! But, dear sweet fictional baby Jesus, don't force the rest of the world to cater to your emotional needs.
Does this make me sound crass? Sure. I accept that. Because I can't be responsible for how EVERYONE sees me or thinks of me. But, think about it, if you can't get through a classroom setting without a 'trigger warning' or a place to go so you can talk about how the day has affected you then you REALLY need more psychological help than a sentence on a paper about the upcoming conversation about assault/tacos/IEDs/religion/etc.
And, if you need more help, don't hesitate to seek it out. Just don't blame the rest of the world for not tiptoeing around you.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/ct-university-of-chicago-safe-spaces-letter-met-20160825-story.html
The letter said, in part, that the university does not support "so called 'trigger warning'", [does] not cancel invited speakers because their topics might prove controversial, and we do not condone the creation of intellectual 'safe spaces' where individuals can retreat from ideas and perspectives at odds with their own."
I completely support this decision and applaud them for their stance.
Let me explain...
I completely understand PTSD. I understand that people have it and a trigger warring is helpful in their lives. But this is getting ridiculous. Much of the controversy is coming down to definitions of the words 'trigger warnings', 'safe spaces', etc.
A 'trigger' is some word, image, or expression that 'triggers' an unintentional response, feeling, or emotion from a person. This is my understanding of the verb form of the word.
Here is the formal definition of the verb form of 'trigger':
verb
- 1.cause (an event or situation) to happen or exist."an allergy can be triggered by stress or overwork"
The definition of 'trauma trigger' is: "...an experience that causes someone to recall a previous traumatic memory, although the trigger itself need not be frightening or traumatic and can be indirectly or superficially reminiscent an earlier traumatic incident."
I believe that the 'trauma trigger' is the kind of 'trigger' we are speaking about here. Here's my issue with 'trauma trigger warnings': you never know what will 'trigger' someone. Cars backfiring, the word taco, topics that include assault, talks on same-sex marriage, a cat, someone wearing a green dress, talks about IEDs, etc.
If a professor wants to put a trigger warning on their syllabus, fine. If they have had the experience that something in their class is going to be 'triggering' for someone, understood. But, the university cannot be expected to cater to every tiny thing that may set someone off. University or college is where an individual gets their first lesson in dealing with the real world and the real world doesn't have 'trigger warnings'.
Intellectual safe space? What the hell is that? I looked it up because I thought maybe I just didn't understand what they are talking about. I found an article from The Advocate entitled "Does University of Chicago Know Meaning of Safe Space?"
http://www.advocate.com/youth/2016/8/26/does-university-chicago-know-meaning-safe-spaces
I read it because I really wanted to make sure I knew that the term meant. They spoke with Campus Pride founder Shane Windmeyer who had this to say: "The intent of safe spaces is to empower colleges to support the needs of LGBTQ students by educating them on creating spaces where students feel comfortable to discuss issues of sexuality and gender identity."
Okay, I get it. Safe spaces were started for those being harassed can go to feel safe and get help. And I support them. I, myself, had a pin on my backpack in college delegating myself as a safe space for LGBTQ AND secular students. But, that was something I took on myself. I saw some of my professors with 'safe space' signs in their office windows. Again, this is easily something an individual can provide. I also joined many student-lead organizations that supported LGBTQ and secular students. That's where I found my safe spaces. I was responsible for seeking out those spaces or creating them if needed.
However, some groups have made it out that they need a space to go to when they have their opinions challenged. This is not something a university must provide for. I understand their main priority is to educate and challenge not hand hold.
And, sorry not sorry, if your university or a student-lead organization has invited a speaker to the campus and you do not agree with that...don't fucking go. OR you can act like a good adult, attend and listen to what the speaker says, ask questions, maybe, I don't know, LEARN SOMETHING. Even if you still don't agree with them at least you will have a better understanding of why you don't agree. Trust me, it makes you the better person when you are able to listen to varying opinions, entertain them, and still reject them. You're allowed to reject ideas. You are not allowed to silence others because you don't agree.
Universities are places where your ideas and beliefs are supposed to be challenged. But, they can not be responsible for students' emotional health, according a report issued by American Association of University Professors. That responsibility lies with counselors and other mental health experts which are sometimes already provided by the universities.
"Some discomfort is inevitable in classrooms if the goal is to expose students to new ideas, have them question beliefs they have taken for granted, grapple with ethical problems they have never considered, and, more generally, expand their horizons so as to become informed and responsible democratic citizens," an AAUP committee wrote in a 2014 report on the issue. "Trigger warnings suggest that classrooms should offer protection and comfort rather than an intellectually challenging education. They reduce students to vulnerable victims rather than full participants in the intellectual process of education."
As someone who is a survivor of an assault, I HATE when people give me a 'trigger warning'. I still jump when I hear a loud noise. Men who resemble my attacker will still make me uncomfortable. But they are my issues and I work through them when they happen.
I understand that not everyone feels the same way I do. But, I would rather handle my own emotions myself. They are, after all, my responsibility. And, after I was assaulted I sought emotional help and I received good (and FREE) care from an organization that was funded by the state. Help is out there. If you really need more emotional or psychological help, please seek it out! But, dear sweet fictional baby Jesus, don't force the rest of the world to cater to your emotional needs.
Does this make me sound crass? Sure. I accept that. Because I can't be responsible for how EVERYONE sees me or thinks of me. But, think about it, if you can't get through a classroom setting without a 'trigger warning' or a place to go so you can talk about how the day has affected you then you REALLY need more psychological help than a sentence on a paper about the upcoming conversation about assault/tacos/IEDs/religion/etc.
And, if you need more help, don't hesitate to seek it out. Just don't blame the rest of the world for not tiptoeing around you.
Thursday, August 18, 2016
My Home is Flooded and People Only Care About the President?
This past week I have seen many responses to the historic flooding happening in southern Louisiana. Good people coming together. Black, white, Latino, everyone is helping each other. That's what I'm seeing reported by my friends and family in Livingston and Tangipahoa Parish. The Cajun Navy is the funniest thing I've every seen.
I'm also proud as hell to be from there.
My parent's home is right on a canal that leads to Lake Pontchartrain and, luckily, on stilts but, the water still rose to 8.5 feet. The water came up to the bottom of the house. My father's shed is ruined, along with all his belongings that were in it (except the Harley, of course). He used his boat to rescue elderly neighbors down the street who were trapped. The neighbors have lost everything.
They were luckier than most. Of the 137,000 some odd residents of his parish, 103,000 have suffered property damage or have lost everything. It's reported that 12 people have died. Hundreds injured. So, so many are homeless. My parents are lucky and I'm so happy that after Katrina my dad had the good sense to rebuild his house in the air.
My Alma Mater, Southeastern Louisiana University, has been asking for volunteers daily to help neighbors with clean-up. Anyone from freshmen to athletes have been in the community helping with the messy aftermath that is a monstrous flood.
Friends and relatives of mine all over the country have been donating the best they can or just packing up and heading home to help.
It's disasters like this that prove to me, once again, that the human race is a strong, if quirky, creature. We argue about simple things like religion, income, and color. But, when we really need to, we come together like no other species I know of. We are all possessed with the same spirit of helping our neighbor and it makes me proud to see. And, I may be biased here but, I think that southern people embody this feeling just a tad more than the rest of the country.
And I'm so proud of our ability to see past all the bickering and come together to help one another.
Until....The Advocate, Baton Rouge's main newspaper, wrote an open letter to the president expressing their disappointment that he had not yet visited the flooded areas. Read the letter at The Advocate's page here:
http://www.theadvocate.com/baton_rouge/opinion/our_views/article_f1ce22ee-64b4-11e6-b11a-a393ff25161d.html
The strongly opinionated piece, printed as an editorial, complains about the president's golf game and laments about former president Bush's fly-by following hurricane Katrina.
Baton Rouge, this is not what we need right now. The president, I'm sure, is very abreast of the destruction to the state. As, I'm sure, he is very much aware of the hundreds of thousands of people who are homeless and displaced in California due to the wildfires there.
For President Obama to come to the affected areas would cause a media storm, disrupt the relief efforts, and be a general nuisance to the Cajun Navy trying to do their damn best. What exactly do you want him to do? Roll up his sleeves and toss sandbags in front of the many cameras that follow him around?
Sure, he could do that. I'm almost positive he wants to. There are many, many security people and strategists that stop him from doing things like that all the time, I'm sure. But, really think about it. Just stop, take a deep breath, and think.
Think about what you could be using your print space for instead. Maybe notifications for those who are missing people? Maybe they are missing pets? Maybe post more stories about the community coming together to help? That's a different story than the pulling apart that has been plaguing the capital city for the past year.
I get it. Feel-good stories don't always sell papers. But, I can promise you that you will lose more subscribers with this political baiting than you will when you show how our community is one of unity.
President Obama doesn't need more press. Trust me. The Cajun Navy needs more press. Off-duty cops making neighborhood checks for safety need more recognition. People who save strangers and their dogs from sinking cars need to be highlighted.
Like Mr. Rogers said, "In times of trouble, look for the helpers."
I'm also proud as hell to be from there.
My parent's home is right on a canal that leads to Lake Pontchartrain and, luckily, on stilts but, the water still rose to 8.5 feet. The water came up to the bottom of the house. My father's shed is ruined, along with all his belongings that were in it (except the Harley, of course). He used his boat to rescue elderly neighbors down the street who were trapped. The neighbors have lost everything.
They were luckier than most. Of the 137,000 some odd residents of his parish, 103,000 have suffered property damage or have lost everything. It's reported that 12 people have died. Hundreds injured. So, so many are homeless. My parents are lucky and I'm so happy that after Katrina my dad had the good sense to rebuild his house in the air.
My Alma Mater, Southeastern Louisiana University, has been asking for volunteers daily to help neighbors with clean-up. Anyone from freshmen to athletes have been in the community helping with the messy aftermath that is a monstrous flood.
Friends and relatives of mine all over the country have been donating the best they can or just packing up and heading home to help.
It's disasters like this that prove to me, once again, that the human race is a strong, if quirky, creature. We argue about simple things like religion, income, and color. But, when we really need to, we come together like no other species I know of. We are all possessed with the same spirit of helping our neighbor and it makes me proud to see. And, I may be biased here but, I think that southern people embody this feeling just a tad more than the rest of the country.
And I'm so proud of our ability to see past all the bickering and come together to help one another.
Until....The Advocate, Baton Rouge's main newspaper, wrote an open letter to the president expressing their disappointment that he had not yet visited the flooded areas. Read the letter at The Advocate's page here:
http://www.theadvocate.com/baton_rouge/opinion/our_views/article_f1ce22ee-64b4-11e6-b11a-a393ff25161d.html
The strongly opinionated piece, printed as an editorial, complains about the president's golf game and laments about former president Bush's fly-by following hurricane Katrina.
Baton Rouge, this is not what we need right now. The president, I'm sure, is very abreast of the destruction to the state. As, I'm sure, he is very much aware of the hundreds of thousands of people who are homeless and displaced in California due to the wildfires there.
For President Obama to come to the affected areas would cause a media storm, disrupt the relief efforts, and be a general nuisance to the Cajun Navy trying to do their damn best. What exactly do you want him to do? Roll up his sleeves and toss sandbags in front of the many cameras that follow him around?
Sure, he could do that. I'm almost positive he wants to. There are many, many security people and strategists that stop him from doing things like that all the time, I'm sure. But, really think about it. Just stop, take a deep breath, and think.
Think about what you could be using your print space for instead. Maybe notifications for those who are missing people? Maybe they are missing pets? Maybe post more stories about the community coming together to help? That's a different story than the pulling apart that has been plaguing the capital city for the past year.
I get it. Feel-good stories don't always sell papers. But, I can promise you that you will lose more subscribers with this political baiting than you will when you show how our community is one of unity.
President Obama doesn't need more press. Trust me. The Cajun Navy needs more press. Off-duty cops making neighborhood checks for safety need more recognition. People who save strangers and their dogs from sinking cars need to be highlighted.
Like Mr. Rogers said, "In times of trouble, look for the helpers."
Monday, August 1, 2016
I Don't Support Aborting Disabled Fetuses
....but I'd support your decision to NOT have a disabled child. Any day of the week.
We all know my stance on abortion for myself. I had a slight pregnancy scare last month. I was prepared to go down to Planned Parenthood if needed. I had a friend ready to go with me for support.
I'm having an IUD placed this week. I don't want another scare and, with the new ACA rules, my insurance must cover one so, why not?
A group of friends and I were talking about abortions, birth control, periods, and men. (Super original) Someone brought up how Mike Pence (Trump's running mate) put in place a law banning abortions of fetuses with a disability. We all agreed that this was a terrible idea.
Let me be clear: I DO NOT think it is a great idea for a woman to abort a baby just because they have a disability. I completely understand that disabled people can have rewarding and fulfilling lives for themselves and their families. I understand this and I understand that people with disabilities have every right to live as anyone else.
I also understand that a woman and family have the right to decide if they are ready for the emotional, financial, and physical expense it takes to not only raise a child, but raise a child with a disability.
I have an interesting job. A job where I see people with disabilities and how it affects their lives and their families lives. I've seen people with a disability that hardly affects their daily life and I've seen some who's every activity from breathing, eating, and self-care must be performed by someone else. I've seen kids who were born with a defect that made them emotionally and developmentally unstable to the point where they need to be housed in a facility that can properly care for them.
I understand that there is a difference between someone being born with a disability and someone being injured and developing a disability. I've seen it financially ruin a family. I've seen it destroy emotional bonds between family members.
I've also seen the joy that kids, no matter what, bring to those who love them.
I don't want children. Never did. I understand that some people feel more fulfilled with children. I feel terrible that my body is capable of having children that I have no desire to have. Mostly because I know there are plenty of people who would love to welcome a child into their lives. But, they can't. And I can't change that.
I will never, and I mean NEVER, judge someone who is aborting, or has aborted, a fetus because of a disability. I see it the same as a women who can't afford a child to start with getting an abortion. If a family wants to have a child but are not financially or emotionally prepared to care for the staggering needs of a child with a disability, then that is a choice they must make for themselves. Forcing medical expenses on a women or family is irresponsible. It creates an unnecessary burden on the family and the community.
We have the medical advancements to be able to tell if a fetus is in trouble in the womb. We have the ability to tell if the fetus will be viable or not. We can see if it will have a disability. What's the point of seeing if we are not able to be prepared for it or decide if it's something we can handle?
This will come across as the most crass thing that I will ever write: knowingly having a disabled child when you know you cannot afford it is a waste of community resources. Having any child, healthy or not, when you can't afford it, is irresponsible and a drain on our resources. Perhaps that speaks more to our country's healthcare system than to our morality but, there it is.
Taking away that choice from a family is one of the most terrible things I can think of. Trump and Pence are a dangerous duo and I hope beyond hope that America doesn't have the misfortune of seeing them take charge.
I'm not a huge fan of Hilary but I will happily vote for her, or anyone, who keeps those two monsters out of office and away from women's rights. Because they will destroy both.
We all know my stance on abortion for myself. I had a slight pregnancy scare last month. I was prepared to go down to Planned Parenthood if needed. I had a friend ready to go with me for support.
I'm having an IUD placed this week. I don't want another scare and, with the new ACA rules, my insurance must cover one so, why not?
A group of friends and I were talking about abortions, birth control, periods, and men. (Super original) Someone brought up how Mike Pence (Trump's running mate) put in place a law banning abortions of fetuses with a disability. We all agreed that this was a terrible idea.
Let me be clear: I DO NOT think it is a great idea for a woman to abort a baby just because they have a disability. I completely understand that disabled people can have rewarding and fulfilling lives for themselves and their families. I understand this and I understand that people with disabilities have every right to live as anyone else.
I also understand that a woman and family have the right to decide if they are ready for the emotional, financial, and physical expense it takes to not only raise a child, but raise a child with a disability.
I have an interesting job. A job where I see people with disabilities and how it affects their lives and their families lives. I've seen people with a disability that hardly affects their daily life and I've seen some who's every activity from breathing, eating, and self-care must be performed by someone else. I've seen kids who were born with a defect that made them emotionally and developmentally unstable to the point where they need to be housed in a facility that can properly care for them.
I understand that there is a difference between someone being born with a disability and someone being injured and developing a disability. I've seen it financially ruin a family. I've seen it destroy emotional bonds between family members.
I've also seen the joy that kids, no matter what, bring to those who love them.
I don't want children. Never did. I understand that some people feel more fulfilled with children. I feel terrible that my body is capable of having children that I have no desire to have. Mostly because I know there are plenty of people who would love to welcome a child into their lives. But, they can't. And I can't change that.
I will never, and I mean NEVER, judge someone who is aborting, or has aborted, a fetus because of a disability. I see it the same as a women who can't afford a child to start with getting an abortion. If a family wants to have a child but are not financially or emotionally prepared to care for the staggering needs of a child with a disability, then that is a choice they must make for themselves. Forcing medical expenses on a women or family is irresponsible. It creates an unnecessary burden on the family and the community.
We have the medical advancements to be able to tell if a fetus is in trouble in the womb. We have the ability to tell if the fetus will be viable or not. We can see if it will have a disability. What's the point of seeing if we are not able to be prepared for it or decide if it's something we can handle?
This will come across as the most crass thing that I will ever write: knowingly having a disabled child when you know you cannot afford it is a waste of community resources. Having any child, healthy or not, when you can't afford it, is irresponsible and a drain on our resources. Perhaps that speaks more to our country's healthcare system than to our morality but, there it is.
Taking away that choice from a family is one of the most terrible things I can think of. Trump and Pence are a dangerous duo and I hope beyond hope that America doesn't have the misfortune of seeing them take charge.
I'm not a huge fan of Hilary but I will happily vote for her, or anyone, who keeps those two monsters out of office and away from women's rights. Because they will destroy both.
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
My Heart Will Always Be Floridian
Sunday morning I woke up and dragged myself into the kitchen to take my vitamins. I then absently turned on my television, flopped on the couch, and opened Facebook on my tablet.
One of my high school friends who is a member of the LGBT+ community in Florida was commenting about a shooting that had taken place in Orlando. He had lived in O-town until very recently.
My T.V. was on some shitty local broadcasting of a animal educational show. I switched it to a news station. Maybe they would have a report on it.
Then my heart sank.
I instantly became glued to my seat watching George Stephanopoulos in horror. I could not fathom 20 people being shot and dozens wounded at a night club. A gay nightclub. On Latin night. I've been to gay clubs on Latin night. It is usually a very laid-back night for all. Some of the best nights of my life.
I didn't know the reason. Was it a fight that went WAY too far? Was it a terrorist attack? Was it a hate crime?
My boyfriend came out of the bathroom in time to see me silently weeping on my couch. I'm frantically looking through my Facebook friends list to make sure all my friends from home were safe. I can barely tell him what was happening. He eventually just sits next to me on the couch, rubbing my back in some sort of effort to comfort me, and joins in my astonishment watching the T.V. screen.
After 20 minutes I was finally able to verify that all my LGBT friends were safe. (Some of their friends weren't so lucky) But then the number on the screen shot up. George announced that the death toll was now 50 and 53 injured.
I wanted to scream. I might have. There may have just been an audible gasp. Whatever it was, I was devastated....
In 1993 my mother moved my sisters and me to Brandon Florida. A township just outside of Tampa. Meant to be a suburb of Tampa, Brandon eventually grew enough to be it's own little town. Mom had just gotten her first job with her brand new bachelor's degree. She was thrilled, nervous, and scared as hell about moving to a state where she literally had no family and knew no one.
I was pissed.
I HATED having to move to Florida. I was 8 when we moved there. It was literally 1 month before my birthday when we moved. I had no friends. It was summer vacation and we had to spend all of it moving. I couldn't even have a party. Everything was terrible. My life was ruined.
The sun was so hot. I would eventually get sunburnt so bad I couldn't move for days. (I may develop some form of skin cancer, I'm sure of it) The thunderstorms were stuff of nightmares and they were never ending. Hurricanes are coming and they are named. You don't remember 'the hurricane of 1992'. You remember Andrew. And he was a mean bastard. Humidity makes you question the existence of a loving god. Mosquitoes, lizards, snakes, alligators....everything wanted to eat you.
Mother. Fucking. Cockroaches.
Those sons-of-bitches would appear like some sort of evil Disney magic. Fairy God-Palmetto Bug. And just when you got brave enough to throw a shoe at it, the bitch would fly. Bibbity-Bobbity Fuck That!
I found one in my shoe once. After I took it off at P.E. I had walked on it all day. My teacher had me walk it outside and dump it out ...then come back in to play with the parachute. Gave me the lesson of always checking your shoes before putting them on.
Anyway, I hated the state when I moved there. As I grew up, met some friends, got involved with the community, learned how to avoid the local wildlife, I started to fall in love with the place. And it's quirks.
Brandon is 30 minutes from the coast line on the gulf side. Clearwater beach is my favorite one. It's where I go to get a tan when I go home. (I swear Denver is making me paler than an Irish newborn covered in milk)
Brandon is an hour and a half away from Orlando. Which means it's an hour and a half away from Disney Magic. Seriously, we went there so much I got a little bored of it. Field trips were to Disney. Grad Night was at Disney. Epcot taught me about the world. Family passes were always just a part of life. Disney parks, Universal Studios, Bush Gardens, Adventure Island. My childhood was ingrained with theme parks and water slides. Awesome.
Publix. The glorious heaven that is Publix. Its graced southern people for decades. You don't need any other grocery store. They have everything you need. Publix subs are the best sandwiches I have ever eaten. I once had a friend who was visiting Florida stop at a Publix and get me a sandwich before he flew back home. It was amazing.
Flip-flops. Everywhere. 'Nuff said.
Florida's wildlife may be trying to kill you but the people aren't (mostly). I truly miss the laid back attitude of Florida people. They aren't in a hurry. (It's too hot) They aren't stressed. (There is a beach and a daiquiri nearby...) They aren't uptight. (Most everyone is in clothing made of linen and flip-flops. Life's good)
Most of them are just country people trying to get by. Do we get our share of crazy? Of course....plus some. 'Florida Man' is the best totally real/fictional character out there. And I love him. Whenever a friend of coworker here in Denver tells me a story they heard on the radio about 'Florida Man' I can usually counter with another one that I remember happening growing up.
And we make awesome food. Cuban food is my comfort food.
Seriously though. The Latin influence on my life is astounding. I know old country songs by heart, I can't speak a word of real Spanish, I'm as basic white girl as you can get........ but you set a plate of ropa vieja down in front of me with a side of fried plantains and, oh man! Watch me shame myself.
Spanglish is easier to pick up than real Spanish, too. Especially when it's being yelled at you from your high school boyfriend's abuela. And, club music with some reggaeton laid over it will always sound much better than some DJ throwing 'top 40' at you.
I didn't know how much the state meant to me until I left. My mother's side was never Floridian. They are good Kentucky people. But, my father's side of the family has been there since they came over from Scotland in the 1700's. My grandfather and I went to the same high school. It's pretty neat. Most of my father's family is still there. They always will be. It's a part of me.
Which leads me back to Sunday morning. Being almost 2,000 miles away from your home in a time of tragedy makes you anxious and start questioning why you left in the first place. The farther away I am the less useful I can be. All I could do is sit there and watch.
I watched a women plead for information about her son. I watched interviews with people who had escaped. I watched one news anchor after another try their damnedest to get through yet another report of a mass shooting in this country. I watched our president, once again, have to address the nation about another terror/mass shooting/high powered rifle attack on our people.
I watched feeling helpless.
But, I'm not helpless. I vote. I have a voice about this. I have the ability to study stats, study laws, study polls. I'm capable of standing up to the violence. I'm capable of saying that we no longer need assault weapons. We no longer need to coddle the 2nd amendment. It needs to be revised. Just like President Obama said, 'to actively do nothing is a decision.'
We also need to stop '#prayforOrlando'. We need to stop praying. Period. In the immediate wake of this massacre all I saw from religious people were 'our thoughts and prayer'...yada, yada, yada. GOD ISN'T FIXING THIS! And, the longer you spend on your knees talking to yourself, the more shit like this is going to keep happening.
Then, the hypocrite preachers started to rear their ugly heads. They came out to say that they are not sad that this happened. They are saying that they are sad more 'pedophiles and sodomites' didn't die. Some of my more religious friends didn't say anything. They did, however, immediately start blaming all Muslims. Something like, "Muslims are responsible for every terror attack on this soil and in other places around the world. Wake up America!" Funny how all Muslims to them are terrible based on a few yet, when a Christian goes 'rogue', they claim that they were never really Christian to begin with.
That's called a No True Scotsman argument, children. And it's a logical fallacy.
An attack was committed in Florida. Was it a terror attack or was it a hate crime?
Yes.
It was an attack on the LGBT+ community.
It was an attack on the Latin community.
It was an attack on my friends.
It was an attack on my home.
A gay nightclub is a place for the LGBT+ community to go for peace, fun, acceptance, and social needs. It's a place for them to forget their troubles and be free. It's supposed to be a safe haven. A place where they can be themselves because lord knows they can't be safe in the public streets.
Hearing and seeing so many people talking about how they are praying for the victims, survivors, and families pisses me off. Religious people is the only group of people who pushes for anti-LGBT laws. They are the only ones who teach their community that gay people are wrong or abominations. They actively try to block the LGBT lifestyle from everyday life and NOW they want to offer prayers?
Um, no. You don't get to pull out your religious nonsense in support of them when you have done nothing but oppress them. Religion and hate killed them. The last thing they need or want is more religion. Fuck off.
I'm equally disgusted at how quickly the NRA and pro-gun supporters were on the war path to defend their precious guns. Are you really more worried about your gun collection than human lives? Fuck off.
I no longer reside in Florida but it will always be my home. I will always defend it from people calling it 'America's Penis'. I will always root for the (Devil) Rays, Bucs (no matter how they suck), and FSU (fuck Gators). I will always prefer to go barefoot or in flip-flops than heels. I will always long for Publix, Bells, and some good Cuban bread to be close by. I will always watch storm after storm after storm hit Florida and wish I was at the hurricane party that I KNOW is happening.
And, I will always support Florida, it's wackadoos, and it's culture. I was proud of how they came together when this tragedy hit. The lines outside blood banks, the people rushing water, food and umbrellas to the donors, the vigils. The community, even with it's flaws, is one of strength and courage. I'm proud to be a part of it.
My only hope is that this country stops, comes together, and with one voice says 'enough' to mass killings. Until that happens......I guess I'll just keep having to write long blog posts like this.
Thursday, June 9, 2016
If you're not attracted to me that's A-OK
I'm so sick of the body shaming movement telling people that they don't have a right to their opinion.
I saw a post on imgur that was taken from Tumbler. (Maybe-I assume so b/c that's where you usually find this nonsense) The picture showed a big girl sans clothes on a subway train with the word 'beautiful' written all over herself.
Ok, fine. I'm glad she was proud of her body. That's a great step in becoming healthy in both mind and body. Loving yourself is very healthy.
But....sweetheart, you're practically naked on a subway train. Be proud of who you are but, there is a time and place for everything. Those people are trying to get along with their day and you made them part of your ridiculous, self-aggrandizing statement.
Tell me, again, how it's so empowering to love yourself by forcing the approval of those around you?
THEN, either the same girl from the Tumbler post put this on Twitter or someone took it and this happened:
What the actual FUCK is 'reverse rape'? Oh, ok. You cleverly spewed it in your post.
"Reverse-rape is the refusal to sexually engage w/women of the 'wrong body type' and is just as horrific as rape."
You slimy cunt.
How dare you?
I'm a big girl. I'm a big girl because I'm a lazy girl who likes over-processed foods. I also enjoy laying on my couch watching Netflix.
Know what that get's you? A big girl body.
And I like myself. I like who I am. But, I want to change some things about my physical appearance. So, I went out and got myself a Fitbit so I can monitor my exercise habits. I try to walk more and I'm trying to eat better.
But, I like me very much. My personality attracts lots of friends. I'm a very confident person and that attracted my S.O. to me. He likes the way I look. He supports me in getting healthy. He supports me when I dress nice and he loves me when I'm feeling disgusting.
But, if he didn't find big girls attractive would he still be attracted me? I don't know. Maybe he would still be attracted to my personality. That's his choice.
The point is, he's allowed to have his personal opinion on what he finds sexually attractive.
EVERYONE is allowed to BE or NOT BE attracted to whomever they want. How is this a difficult concept?
Someone being attracted to me is fine. Someone forcing them self on me because they are attracted to me when I'm not interested is NOT fine.
Someone not being attracted to me because of my physical appearance is fine. That is perfectly acceptable. I'm not sure when this became unacceptable???
I can't believe I have to clarify that for people. Why are we so open and accepting for the LGBT community to love who they want and try to punish others? This is nonsense.
And, all they (extreme SJW's) are really doing is making a mockery of real rape/sexual assault survivors and feminists. I will call you out on your bullshit and I will no longer tolerate this madness.
I saw a post on imgur that was taken from Tumbler. (Maybe-I assume so b/c that's where you usually find this nonsense) The picture showed a big girl sans clothes on a subway train with the word 'beautiful' written all over herself.
Ok, fine. I'm glad she was proud of her body. That's a great step in becoming healthy in both mind and body. Loving yourself is very healthy.
But....sweetheart, you're practically naked on a subway train. Be proud of who you are but, there is a time and place for everything. Those people are trying to get along with their day and you made them part of your ridiculous, self-aggrandizing statement.
Tell me, again, how it's so empowering to love yourself by forcing the approval of those around you?
THEN, either the same girl from the Tumbler post put this on Twitter or someone took it and this happened:
What the actual FUCK is 'reverse rape'? Oh, ok. You cleverly spewed it in your post.
"Reverse-rape is the refusal to sexually engage w/women of the 'wrong body type' and is just as horrific as rape."
You slimy cunt.
How dare you?
I'm a big girl. I'm a big girl because I'm a lazy girl who likes over-processed foods. I also enjoy laying on my couch watching Netflix.
Know what that get's you? A big girl body.
And I like myself. I like who I am. But, I want to change some things about my physical appearance. So, I went out and got myself a Fitbit so I can monitor my exercise habits. I try to walk more and I'm trying to eat better.
But, I like me very much. My personality attracts lots of friends. I'm a very confident person and that attracted my S.O. to me. He likes the way I look. He supports me in getting healthy. He supports me when I dress nice and he loves me when I'm feeling disgusting.
But, if he didn't find big girls attractive would he still be attracted me? I don't know. Maybe he would still be attracted to my personality. That's his choice.
The point is, he's allowed to have his personal opinion on what he finds sexually attractive.
EVERYONE is allowed to BE or NOT BE attracted to whomever they want. How is this a difficult concept?
Someone being attracted to me is fine. Someone forcing them self on me because they are attracted to me when I'm not interested is NOT fine.
Someone not being attracted to me because of my physical appearance is fine. That is perfectly acceptable. I'm not sure when this became unacceptable???
I can't believe I have to clarify that for people. Why are we so open and accepting for the LGBT community to love who they want and try to punish others? This is nonsense.
And, all they (extreme SJW's) are really doing is making a mockery of real rape/sexual assault survivors and feminists. I will call you out on your bullshit and I will no longer tolerate this madness.
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
I went to Reason Rally and now I won't shut up about it
I laughed, I cried, I was pissed, and I was content.
Penn Jillette introducing, and then performing with, Carolina Peña was a moving moment.
Maryam Namazie literally brought me to tears with her empowered words.
Ian Harris made me laugh with his story about how easy of a decision it was to not hit his kid.
When the main mic went out and Paul Provenza, Lawrence Krauss, and Penn Jillette told their story about being 'interviewed' by Ray Comfort and crew I may have almost fallen out of my seat from laughter.
The Rep from Hawaii, Tulsi Gabbard, calmed everyone down with her gentle words about 'aloha' and it's meaning.
But, the biggest thing I'm taking away from this experience is that I truly am an atheist and I can NOT be ashamed of that.
For years I have used the 'more polite' terms of secular humanist, agnostic, freethinker, etc. All of them are true, yes, but, as David Silvermen pointed out, all of them are 'cushion words' meant to soften the blow of the vile word 'atheist'.
We need to get over our aversion to this word. We need to stop letting it be a scary word, a curse word, a whispered word.
My main goal with becoming an atheist activist was to change the stereotype that the general populace has about us. We are not all anti-social, angry, black make-up wearing, online jerks that many think we are. (But, let's be honest, there are angry jerks out there...)
Personally, I'm so bubbly it can be annoying at times. I prefer to wear khakis as opposed to jeans. Dresses to pants. I still cry whenever I watch Love Actually. And, I LOVE talking to new people. It's one of the reasons I do so well at the Secular Hub.
And, when I call myself an atheist proudly, I believe it helps take the sting out of the word. I've had little old church ladies proclaim "But you're so nice!" when they learn I'm an atheist. That's the reaction I want. I want someone's perception thrown. I want more and more people to meet and talk with atheists and know that they are good people.
We can't do that when we hide.
Penn Jillette introducing, and then performing with, Carolina Peña was a moving moment.
Maryam Namazie literally brought me to tears with her empowered words.
Ian Harris made me laugh with his story about how easy of a decision it was to not hit his kid.
When the main mic went out and Paul Provenza, Lawrence Krauss, and Penn Jillette told their story about being 'interviewed' by Ray Comfort and crew I may have almost fallen out of my seat from laughter.
The Rep from Hawaii, Tulsi Gabbard, calmed everyone down with her gentle words about 'aloha' and it's meaning.
But, the biggest thing I'm taking away from this experience is that I truly am an atheist and I can NOT be ashamed of that.
For years I have used the 'more polite' terms of secular humanist, agnostic, freethinker, etc. All of them are true, yes, but, as David Silvermen pointed out, all of them are 'cushion words' meant to soften the blow of the vile word 'atheist'.
We need to get over our aversion to this word. We need to stop letting it be a scary word, a curse word, a whispered word.
My main goal with becoming an atheist activist was to change the stereotype that the general populace has about us. We are not all anti-social, angry, black make-up wearing, online jerks that many think we are. (But, let's be honest, there are angry jerks out there...)
Personally, I'm so bubbly it can be annoying at times. I prefer to wear khakis as opposed to jeans. Dresses to pants. I still cry whenever I watch Love Actually. And, I LOVE talking to new people. It's one of the reasons I do so well at the Secular Hub.
And, when I call myself an atheist proudly, I believe it helps take the sting out of the word. I've had little old church ladies proclaim "But you're so nice!" when they learn I'm an atheist. That's the reaction I want. I want someone's perception thrown. I want more and more people to meet and talk with atheists and know that they are good people.
We can't do that when we hide.
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Banning Sharia Law
So, several months ago my brother-in-law posted a picture similar to this on Facebook:
I can't find his original post and I believe that must be because I pointed out to him how silly this was and he came to his senses. (I hope)
He had a few comments from others saying how they would support legislation to ban Sharia law in America. They were very adamant that they would never let this happen. Red-blooded-Americans-freedom-eagle-BBQ-guns-deep-fried-fireworks-McDonald's-Stars n' Bars-'Merica, FUCK YEAH kind of comments, you know what I mean?
Really?!?! Are you THAT dense?
And just today I read an article from Faux News about a sheriff in Tennessee that is being sued by a resident of his town and the American Atheists because he has been using his city Facebook page to promote his religion.
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2016/05/18/tennessee-sheriff-in-legal-showdown-with-atheist-group.html
One of the commenters wrote this lovely statement:
Seriously. Go read it. Read some of the comments then come back to me. I'll wait. I need the extra page clicks anyway...
...
Pretty shitty, right?
But, really?
You really need this explained to you, radical Xtians?!? (Notice how I clarified the 'radical'? I know plenty of reasonable and lovely religious people who understand this concept.)
Sharia Law will never become the ruling law in this country just like Christianity will never (read should never) become the ruling law. The Establishment Clause was put into the Constitution to act as a wall between church and state. And the fucking wall holds both sides back, moron.
We do not have to vote Sharia Law out. It will not, never be, in no way, shape, or form be the ruling law. And, if it ever even remotely was going to be, y'all would lose your shit.
This is what atheists and secular people get to go through all day, every day. Your deity is so shoved in our faces that if we try to push back to be able to breathe fresh air you cry that we are persecuting you. You question why we don't attack Muslim's the same way.
Here's a little hint:
I AM NOT BOMBARDED EVERY FUCKING DAY WITH MUSLIMS TRYING TO INTERFERE WITH MY LIFE LIKE CHRISTIANITY DOES!!
Grow up! Start seeing your own hypocritical ways and shut your damn mouths when it's pointed out that you're acting like children. We're all sick of it.
I can't find his original post and I believe that must be because I pointed out to him how silly this was and he came to his senses. (I hope)
He had a few comments from others saying how they would support legislation to ban Sharia law in America. They were very adamant that they would never let this happen. Red-blooded-Americans-freedom-eagle-BBQ-guns-deep-fried-fireworks-McDonald's-Stars n' Bars-'Merica, FUCK YEAH kind of comments, you know what I mean?
Really?!?! Are you THAT dense?
And just today I read an article from Faux News about a sheriff in Tennessee that is being sued by a resident of his town and the American Atheists because he has been using his city Facebook page to promote his religion.
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2016/05/18/tennessee-sheriff-in-legal-showdown-with-atheist-group.html
One of the commenters wrote this lovely statement:
"...The first amendment and the "wall of separation" as described by Thomas Jeferson (sic) meant that government stay out of religion. But it DID NOT mean that religion stay out of government."
...
Pretty shitty, right?
But, really?
You really need this explained to you, radical Xtians?!? (Notice how I clarified the 'radical'? I know plenty of reasonable and lovely religious people who understand this concept.)
Sharia Law will never become the ruling law in this country just like Christianity will never (read should never) become the ruling law. The Establishment Clause was put into the Constitution to act as a wall between church and state. And the fucking wall holds both sides back, moron.
We do not have to vote Sharia Law out. It will not, never be, in no way, shape, or form be the ruling law. And, if it ever even remotely was going to be, y'all would lose your shit.
This is what atheists and secular people get to go through all day, every day. Your deity is so shoved in our faces that if we try to push back to be able to breathe fresh air you cry that we are persecuting you. You question why we don't attack Muslim's the same way.
Here's a little hint:
I AM NOT BOMBARDED EVERY FUCKING DAY WITH MUSLIMS TRYING TO INTERFERE WITH MY LIFE LIKE CHRISTIANITY DOES!!
Grow up! Start seeing your own hypocritical ways and shut your damn mouths when it's pointed out that you're acting like children. We're all sick of it.
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
Death with Dignity...Fuck That
My grandfather is dying.
He has been for over 10 years now.
He has Alzheimer's Disease.
I remember when they told me what was happening to him. They had seen the early warning signs of it and had him checked by his physician. He had been placed on a new medication that kept the worse of it at bay for a few years.
But, ultimately, my grandfather forgot how to drive. He forgot how to dress himself. He forgot where he lived. He forgot who we all were. He forgot how to take care of himself. He forgot how to swallow. He forgot who his wife was.
He forgot who he was.
My grandfather was realistic enough to prepare a living will before it got too bad. In it, he asked that he not be kept alive by machines. He didn't want a feeding tube placed. He didn't want my grandmother to have to make any hard decisions about his care without him being able to speak for himself.
My grandparents live in Kentucky. There is no such thing as Death with Dignity laws in Kentucky. I've always advocated for these laws when they come up here in Denver, CO. I've always felt that it was a persons right to end their life when they have a severe, painful, and debilitating disease.
When there is no other option, and it will lessen their pain, why not? We put our beloved pets down due to their suffering. Why not allow people to make that decision for themselves as well?
My grandfather, in his only available act of defiance while locked in his own mind, has chosen to refuse to eat. He has now gone 7 days without any nourishment by mouth. His doctors say there isn't much else besides IV fluids that they can do. He's going to die soon.
Some may say he has given up but my family chooses to see this as my grandfather saying, "Enough."
Enough for him. Enough for my grandmother, who has been by his side for the very worst of this stupid fucking disease. Enough for my family who holds our breath every time they take him to the hospital for one more thing his brain won't let him do. He won't do it anymore.
And I'm so angry.
I'm angry at this stupid disease. I'm angry that there isn't a better answer for when someone has it. I'm angry that my grandmother has had to watch her mother, now her husband, wither away from this nightmare.
I'm angry at my grandfather.
I can't really explain that last one. I'm not sure why I'm upset with him.
You know how parents and grandparents say they don't have a favorite? Yeah, that's bullshit. One of my sisters is a daddy's girl. Mom is attached at the hip to my other sister.
My grandfather was my person. My favorite person in the world. Everywhere he went, I was there. The entire family called me his navigator. When I was little I was positive that without me he would get lost. Of course, that wasn't the case. He could do anything.
And I'm pissed he's leaving. I'm pissed he's choosing to leave.
I feel like if there is enough of him in there to choose not to eat then maybe there is enough of him in there to know how much we still need him.
But, of course, not like this. He hasn't been self sufficient in 10 years. He hasn't walked in about 3 years. He hasn't been able to really talk in a year. He's not my grandfather anymore. I know that. The rational part of me knows this. The bleeding heart in me is so pissed off.
I'm angry that my person is being taken away from me like this. I'm angry that he has been slowly being removed from our lives for over a decade. I'm so fucking pissed that this fucking disease is a fucking thing.
I'm proud of my grandfather for doing this. Even if it's just a reaction from the disease where he does not trust the nurses and doctors. I'm proud that there is still some fight in him. Honestly, I am. I'm just still so fucking furious at this situation.
Fuck Alzheimer's.
And, I swear, when I have to go to Kentucky for his funeral and someone wants to comfort me with religion, I may lose it.
He has been for over 10 years now.
He has Alzheimer's Disease.
I remember when they told me what was happening to him. They had seen the early warning signs of it and had him checked by his physician. He had been placed on a new medication that kept the worse of it at bay for a few years.
But, ultimately, my grandfather forgot how to drive. He forgot how to dress himself. He forgot where he lived. He forgot who we all were. He forgot how to take care of himself. He forgot how to swallow. He forgot who his wife was.
He forgot who he was.
My grandfather was realistic enough to prepare a living will before it got too bad. In it, he asked that he not be kept alive by machines. He didn't want a feeding tube placed. He didn't want my grandmother to have to make any hard decisions about his care without him being able to speak for himself.
My grandparents live in Kentucky. There is no such thing as Death with Dignity laws in Kentucky. I've always advocated for these laws when they come up here in Denver, CO. I've always felt that it was a persons right to end their life when they have a severe, painful, and debilitating disease.
When there is no other option, and it will lessen their pain, why not? We put our beloved pets down due to their suffering. Why not allow people to make that decision for themselves as well?
My grandfather, in his only available act of defiance while locked in his own mind, has chosen to refuse to eat. He has now gone 7 days without any nourishment by mouth. His doctors say there isn't much else besides IV fluids that they can do. He's going to die soon.
Some may say he has given up but my family chooses to see this as my grandfather saying, "Enough."
Enough for him. Enough for my grandmother, who has been by his side for the very worst of this stupid fucking disease. Enough for my family who holds our breath every time they take him to the hospital for one more thing his brain won't let him do. He won't do it anymore.
And I'm so angry.
I'm angry at this stupid disease. I'm angry that there isn't a better answer for when someone has it. I'm angry that my grandmother has had to watch her mother, now her husband, wither away from this nightmare.
I'm angry at my grandfather.
I can't really explain that last one. I'm not sure why I'm upset with him.
You know how parents and grandparents say they don't have a favorite? Yeah, that's bullshit. One of my sisters is a daddy's girl. Mom is attached at the hip to my other sister.
My grandfather was my person. My favorite person in the world. Everywhere he went, I was there. The entire family called me his navigator. When I was little I was positive that without me he would get lost. Of course, that wasn't the case. He could do anything.
And I'm pissed he's leaving. I'm pissed he's choosing to leave.
I feel like if there is enough of him in there to choose not to eat then maybe there is enough of him in there to know how much we still need him.
But, of course, not like this. He hasn't been self sufficient in 10 years. He hasn't walked in about 3 years. He hasn't been able to really talk in a year. He's not my grandfather anymore. I know that. The rational part of me knows this. The bleeding heart in me is so pissed off.
I'm angry that my person is being taken away from me like this. I'm angry that he has been slowly being removed from our lives for over a decade. I'm so fucking pissed that this fucking disease is a fucking thing.
I'm proud of my grandfather for doing this. Even if it's just a reaction from the disease where he does not trust the nurses and doctors. I'm proud that there is still some fight in him. Honestly, I am. I'm just still so fucking furious at this situation.
Fuck Alzheimer's.
And, I swear, when I have to go to Kentucky for his funeral and someone wants to comfort me with religion, I may lose it.
Friday, April 29, 2016
No. Women do NOT need a Me-ternity
I truly am the WORST feminist.
It was reported in The New York Post that an author by the name of Meghann Foye has written a book that states that non-moms deserve paid maternity leave, too.
http://nypost.com/2016/04/28/i-want-all-the-perks-of-maternity-leave-without-having-any-kids/
Meghann writes, "...I came to believe in the value of a 'me-ternity' leave-which is, to me, a sabbatical-like break that allows women.....to shift their focus to the part of their lives that doesn't revolve around their jobs. For women who follow a 'traditional' path, this pause [maternity] often naturally comes in your late 20s or early 30s, when a wedding, pregnancy and babies means that your personal life takes center stage. But for those who end up on the 'other' path, that social mandated time and space for self-reflection may never come."
Are you shitting me right now, Meghann? Are you really saying that maternity leave is a time for women to 'self-reflect'? No. It is a time for a human to push another human out of themselves and try not to let it die. There is no sitting on a beach with a book and a fucking cocktail.
The article continues, "While she [Meghann] thinks both men and women could benefit from a 'me-ternity', she says that women would benefit more because "they are bad at putting ourselves first" and suffer from burnout at a higher rate than men."
Speak for yourself, bitch.
I had no problem with choosing not to have children because I knew I wouldn't provide well for them. I also knew that I didn't want to put a child first in my life. I have no problem whatsoever in putting myself first in my life.
And I'm fucking good at it.
"Foye, 38, started thinking about this idea when she was a magazine editor and became 'envious' of parents on staff who "left the office at 6 p.m. to tend to their children, while it was assumed co-workers without kids would stay behind to pick up the slack", she said. After the 2008 recession and the lack of job security, she started feeling like she has to be "tethered" to her work.'
Fucking, duh, Meghann. It's expected of men all the time. Get over yourself.
"It seemed that parenthood was the only path that provided a modicum of flexibility, she said. "There's something about saying 'I need to go pick up my child' as a reason to leave the office on time that has far more gravitas that, say, 'My best friend just got ghosted by her OKCupid date and needs a margarita'- but both sides are valid."
No they're not, Meghann! Which, by the way, is a stupid way to spell Megan.
A kid needing to be picked up because they are sick is NOT the same as your idiot friend needing a drink. You can very well go get a drink after work. Or on your day off.
You ARE allowed to have days off. You ARE allowed to take a sabbatical from work. You ARE allowed to go on vacation. Just like EVERYONE ELSE in a full-time job, we get 2 weeks off for a 'me-turity'. It's called PTO.
You ARE NOT ALLOWED to trivialize what other women go through with childbirth and raising children.
You ARE NOT ALLOWED to compare your girls night to time that parents NEED to devote to RAISING ANOTHER LIFE!!
Men are asked their entire life to work hard to provide for their families. They have always been expected to 'tether' themselves to their desks to earn as much as they can to support their wives, kids, elderly parents, etc.
The feminist movement is about equality. This trivial nonsense about 'women needing more time because we can't put ourselves first' needs to stop. NEEDS TO STOP!
We are capable of so much. We talk about how strong women are. We need to start acting like it. We need to pick up the slack for the parents.
My job is run by women. My boss is a woman. My managers are women. I'm proud to be a part of a women run business. What do you think my female boss would say if I brought it to her that I require time off to 'self-reflect'?
She would, rightly, laugh in my face.
Of all the selfish, ridiculous, egotistical, non-issue, nonsense I have EVER heard in the feminist movement this has got to be the worst thing I have ever come across....
It's bad enough that, as a non-child-bearing women, I get crap for not having kids but, now you want me to look even worse by claiming women deserve extra vacation because....what? We USED to not work? Fuck off, Meghann. You self-righteous, frivolous, waste of time, silly little girl.
Let the real women handle this.
It was reported in The New York Post that an author by the name of Meghann Foye has written a book that states that non-moms deserve paid maternity leave, too.
http://nypost.com/2016/04/28/i-want-all-the-perks-of-maternity-leave-without-having-any-kids/
Meghann writes, "...I came to believe in the value of a 'me-ternity' leave-which is, to me, a sabbatical-like break that allows women.....to shift their focus to the part of their lives that doesn't revolve around their jobs. For women who follow a 'traditional' path, this pause [maternity] often naturally comes in your late 20s or early 30s, when a wedding, pregnancy and babies means that your personal life takes center stage. But for those who end up on the 'other' path, that social mandated time and space for self-reflection may never come."
Are you shitting me right now, Meghann? Are you really saying that maternity leave is a time for women to 'self-reflect'? No. It is a time for a human to push another human out of themselves and try not to let it die. There is no sitting on a beach with a book and a fucking cocktail.
The article continues, "While she [Meghann] thinks both men and women could benefit from a 'me-ternity', she says that women would benefit more because "they are bad at putting ourselves first" and suffer from burnout at a higher rate than men."
Speak for yourself, bitch.
I had no problem with choosing not to have children because I knew I wouldn't provide well for them. I also knew that I didn't want to put a child first in my life. I have no problem whatsoever in putting myself first in my life.
And I'm fucking good at it.
"Foye, 38, started thinking about this idea when she was a magazine editor and became 'envious' of parents on staff who "left the office at 6 p.m. to tend to their children, while it was assumed co-workers without kids would stay behind to pick up the slack", she said. After the 2008 recession and the lack of job security, she started feeling like she has to be "tethered" to her work.'
Fucking, duh, Meghann. It's expected of men all the time. Get over yourself.
"It seemed that parenthood was the only path that provided a modicum of flexibility, she said. "There's something about saying 'I need to go pick up my child' as a reason to leave the office on time that has far more gravitas that, say, 'My best friend just got ghosted by her OKCupid date and needs a margarita'- but both sides are valid."
No they're not, Meghann! Which, by the way, is a stupid way to spell Megan.
A kid needing to be picked up because they are sick is NOT the same as your idiot friend needing a drink. You can very well go get a drink after work. Or on your day off.
You ARE allowed to have days off. You ARE allowed to take a sabbatical from work. You ARE allowed to go on vacation. Just like EVERYONE ELSE in a full-time job, we get 2 weeks off for a 'me-turity'. It's called PTO.
You ARE NOT ALLOWED to trivialize what other women go through with childbirth and raising children.
You ARE NOT ALLOWED to compare your girls night to time that parents NEED to devote to RAISING ANOTHER LIFE!!
Men are asked their entire life to work hard to provide for their families. They have always been expected to 'tether' themselves to their desks to earn as much as they can to support their wives, kids, elderly parents, etc.
The feminist movement is about equality. This trivial nonsense about 'women needing more time because we can't put ourselves first' needs to stop. NEEDS TO STOP!
We are capable of so much. We talk about how strong women are. We need to start acting like it. We need to pick up the slack for the parents.
My job is run by women. My boss is a woman. My managers are women. I'm proud to be a part of a women run business. What do you think my female boss would say if I brought it to her that I require time off to 'self-reflect'?
She would, rightly, laugh in my face.
Of all the selfish, ridiculous, egotistical, non-issue, nonsense I have EVER heard in the feminist movement this has got to be the worst thing I have ever come across....
It's bad enough that, as a non-child-bearing women, I get crap for not having kids but, now you want me to look even worse by claiming women deserve extra vacation because....what? We USED to not work? Fuck off, Meghann. You self-righteous, frivolous, waste of time, silly little girl.
Let the real women handle this.
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
It's None of My Business Where You do Yours
North Carolina passing a bill that specifies where people can use the restroom based on the gender on their birth certificate is just insane and pointless. I do not give a damn where someone does their pees and poops. And I can't understand why it's such a big deal now.
I understand people's argument that they want to keep their kids safe. I totally agree that we should try to keep kids safe at all costs. But, come on, they are not going to be protected by a law that absolutely no one can enforce any more than a 'Men' or 'Women' sign is going to keep out predators.
Just wait until we hear a story about some poor woman in a bad mood and even worse hair day getting called out for maybe being a dude in a skirt. Hope she sues the pants off someone. (pun intended)
Here's the deal. If you live in or have visited a major city in the US, it is very likely that you already have shared a bathroom with a transgendered person. It's done. Get over it.
These people just want to get in there, do their business, and get out. Preferably without having to go through the embarrassment of having you look twice at them and be disgusted. Everyone poops. There is a book about it. Read it. Even those who some lawmakers deem 'unsavory' or 'deranged' have to poop. Preferably in a room where they feel most suited.
My main issue with this ridiculous law is that the people who support it think of transgendered people as 'delusional or perverted men in dresses'. Granted, there are some who are just beginning to transition, some who are not very far into the process who...look a little 'off'. Fine. But they really need to look at the people who have fully made the change as well. Men who have full beards, large muscles, and lots of tattoos....and the female box checked on their birth certificate. Women who are more beautiful than I can ever hope to be, slender frames, amazing breasts, soft voices.....and they used to have a penis.
I'm almost positive I can tell the difference between a pervert in a dress who just wants to peek in on the girls and a woman who needs to pee. And, if I can't tell the difference, there has yet to be a case in the US where a guy has dressed as a women just so he can spy on the women in the bathroom.
You know who does spy on women in the bathroom? Regular guys. They set up cameras, they crawl through the ceilings, they make holes in the walls, etc.
And, the bathroom with the most perverts is the men's room. And, no, not because women are dying to figure out what you guys do in there. (We know. Dear god we know.) Child molesters are statistically white males. They are now, and always have been, allowed in the men's room where your son is innocently using his penis as a fire hose.
Your sons are the ones sharing a bathroom with a Catholic priest who may or may not have been moved to your parish due to 'misconduct'.
Your son that is now in the stall next to some congressman who is trying desperately to tap out sex code with his foot.
Your son who is having a man's cell phone camera pointed at them from their belt loop.
Do not begin to tell me that this law is about protecting your daughters from men in dresses when you won't begin to protect your sons from men in jeans.
Do not begin to tell me that a law you can't enforce is going to be the thing that stops your daughters from being preyed upon. Criminals don't give a shit about your laws on paper. That's why they are criminals.
When will these bigoted people just come out and say they are just weirded out by transgendered people? Stop hiding behind superficial laws, tired old religious nonsense, and general fear. Just tell us that you're intolerant and refuse to understand. I'll have more respect for someone who is just honest.
Until then, get over yourself and stop worrying so much about where people go pee. Perv.
I understand people's argument that they want to keep their kids safe. I totally agree that we should try to keep kids safe at all costs. But, come on, they are not going to be protected by a law that absolutely no one can enforce any more than a 'Men' or 'Women' sign is going to keep out predators.
Just wait until we hear a story about some poor woman in a bad mood and even worse hair day getting called out for maybe being a dude in a skirt. Hope she sues the pants off someone. (pun intended)
Here's the deal. If you live in or have visited a major city in the US, it is very likely that you already have shared a bathroom with a transgendered person. It's done. Get over it.
These people just want to get in there, do their business, and get out. Preferably without having to go through the embarrassment of having you look twice at them and be disgusted. Everyone poops. There is a book about it. Read it. Even those who some lawmakers deem 'unsavory' or 'deranged' have to poop. Preferably in a room where they feel most suited.
My main issue with this ridiculous law is that the people who support it think of transgendered people as 'delusional or perverted men in dresses'. Granted, there are some who are just beginning to transition, some who are not very far into the process who...look a little 'off'. Fine. But they really need to look at the people who have fully made the change as well. Men who have full beards, large muscles, and lots of tattoos....and the female box checked on their birth certificate. Women who are more beautiful than I can ever hope to be, slender frames, amazing breasts, soft voices.....and they used to have a penis.
I'm almost positive I can tell the difference between a pervert in a dress who just wants to peek in on the girls and a woman who needs to pee. And, if I can't tell the difference, there has yet to be a case in the US where a guy has dressed as a women just so he can spy on the women in the bathroom.
You know who does spy on women in the bathroom? Regular guys. They set up cameras, they crawl through the ceilings, they make holes in the walls, etc.
And, the bathroom with the most perverts is the men's room. And, no, not because women are dying to figure out what you guys do in there. (We know. Dear god we know.) Child molesters are statistically white males. They are now, and always have been, allowed in the men's room where your son is innocently using his penis as a fire hose.
Your sons are the ones sharing a bathroom with a Catholic priest who may or may not have been moved to your parish due to 'misconduct'.
Your son that is now in the stall next to some congressman who is trying desperately to tap out sex code with his foot.
Your son who is having a man's cell phone camera pointed at them from their belt loop.
Do not begin to tell me that this law is about protecting your daughters from men in dresses when you won't begin to protect your sons from men in jeans.
Do not begin to tell me that a law you can't enforce is going to be the thing that stops your daughters from being preyed upon. Criminals don't give a shit about your laws on paper. That's why they are criminals.
When will these bigoted people just come out and say they are just weirded out by transgendered people? Stop hiding behind superficial laws, tired old religious nonsense, and general fear. Just tell us that you're intolerant and refuse to understand. I'll have more respect for someone who is just honest.
Until then, get over yourself and stop worrying so much about where people go pee. Perv.
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
I Blew It
Last week I went to Louisiana to see family. My father is notorious for throwing large parties whenever his 'girls' come home. I have two sisters and we all live in different states. It's rare for him to have all of us together at once. This trip had all of us including my sisters kids.
I love my nephews to the moon and back. I can't help but want to spoil them and make sure they are safe and loved. I even bought a toy car for one of my nephews last night because I knew it was one character he didn't have. (He loves a certain animated movie about cars) It may cost more to send it to him than that actual thing is worth but I don't care. I know he will like it and I'm happy to do it for him.
However, I don't want my own kids. I've written and spoken about this topic many times before. I've vehemently expressed my desire to remain childless for years. My entire family knows that I would rather die by a million papercuts than have a child. I even wrote a blog post about what I would say the next time I was asked when I was going to have kids.
"I'm not going to answer that and I'll forgive you for asking."
But, y'all, I blew it.
At my father's crawfish boil last weekend I was approached by my father's best friend. I've known this man my entire life. He is like an uncle to me. He was the one who gave me my childhood nickname of 'Milk Baby'. (On account of I'm so pale)
He asked me when I was going to have kids........My eye twitched. I gritted my teeth for the argument. I knew my lines.....and.....
And I just couldn't do it. I could not bring myself to tell him how rude he was being. The man that I can easily chastise for drinking too much, being too loud, or accuse (lovingly) of being a general nuisance......... I couldn't stand up to him for asking such a rude and hot button question.
This is why I should call myself the Bad Feminist instead of Southern Atheist. I'm terrible when it comes to actually practicing what I preach.
It was later mentioned to me that what I was actually doing was keeping the peace at the party. And, I guess that's true. I love this man. I know he loves me. I just couldn't jump down his throat for what he thought was an honest question.
And, maybe that makes me a bad feminist. But, when it comes down to making a point for women's rights or keeping the relationship with someone I adore intact, I'm going to go with keeping that relationship.
I'll save my venom for someone who deserves it.
I love my nephews to the moon and back. I can't help but want to spoil them and make sure they are safe and loved. I even bought a toy car for one of my nephews last night because I knew it was one character he didn't have. (He loves a certain animated movie about cars) It may cost more to send it to him than that actual thing is worth but I don't care. I know he will like it and I'm happy to do it for him.
However, I don't want my own kids. I've written and spoken about this topic many times before. I've vehemently expressed my desire to remain childless for years. My entire family knows that I would rather die by a million papercuts than have a child. I even wrote a blog post about what I would say the next time I was asked when I was going to have kids.
"I'm not going to answer that and I'll forgive you for asking."
But, y'all, I blew it.
At my father's crawfish boil last weekend I was approached by my father's best friend. I've known this man my entire life. He is like an uncle to me. He was the one who gave me my childhood nickname of 'Milk Baby'. (On account of I'm so pale)
He asked me when I was going to have kids........My eye twitched. I gritted my teeth for the argument. I knew my lines.....and.....
And I just couldn't do it. I could not bring myself to tell him how rude he was being. The man that I can easily chastise for drinking too much, being too loud, or accuse (lovingly) of being a general nuisance......... I couldn't stand up to him for asking such a rude and hot button question.
This is why I should call myself the Bad Feminist instead of Southern Atheist. I'm terrible when it comes to actually practicing what I preach.
It was later mentioned to me that what I was actually doing was keeping the peace at the party. And, I guess that's true. I love this man. I know he loves me. I just couldn't jump down his throat for what he thought was an honest question.
And, maybe that makes me a bad feminist. But, when it comes down to making a point for women's rights or keeping the relationship with someone I adore intact, I'm going to go with keeping that relationship.
I'll save my venom for someone who deserves it.
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
Of Course God Isn't Dead
He had to have been alive in the first place for him to be dead now.
In college I had a friend whose father was a producer for the movie God's Not Dead. My friend was even in the film. Speaking part and all. It was pretty neat, actually. To have a friend who was in a movie.
The friend was obviously a Christian and I was obviously an atheist but we're good friends anyway. Mostly because neither of us are jerks and we are able to be friendly without having to accept each other's belief system. Surprising, I know.
When God's Not Dead came out, I went and saw it. This isn't a review of that movie. I don't need to review it. If anyone with half a brain saw it they knew right away how fictitious and ridiculous it was.
But, now they've made a sequel.
The sequel's premise is even more outlandish than the first one. A teacher (played by Melissa Joan Heart-- say it isn't so, Clarissa!) is brought to trial because she dared express her Christian faith in a classroom in Arkansas.
A teacher. In Arkansas. Who is religious. Being sued for expressing her religion. In Arkansas.
You've got to be fucking kidding me.
This truly is the work of some Christian nightmare. Complete fantasy. And, the only way they can make other Christians feel persecuted as well is by making up this story. I guarantee you there is a black screen at the end of the movie saying "This has been happening all over our Christian Nation. Don't let the liberals/democrats/atheists/ACLU win." or some other garbage.
In the 7th grade in Brandon, Florida I had a history teacher at Mann Middle School that would tell us daily about his love of god. He would tell us to read our bible. He insisted that he was a good Christian because he never let anything be on top of his bible. He brought that damn bible to his classroom and had it on his desk in plain sight all year long.
Don't give me that whiny bullshit about how Christians are persecuted in the classroom in the fucking bible belt.
You are not being persecuted when the rest of the community finally has the same rights as you do, you whiny, selfish, sniveling, liar Christian community. Grow up. Keep it in your homes and churches where it belongs.
Leave school alone to do its job. Teach your nonsense in your churches.
In college I had a friend whose father was a producer for the movie God's Not Dead. My friend was even in the film. Speaking part and all. It was pretty neat, actually. To have a friend who was in a movie.
The friend was obviously a Christian and I was obviously an atheist but we're good friends anyway. Mostly because neither of us are jerks and we are able to be friendly without having to accept each other's belief system. Surprising, I know.
When God's Not Dead came out, I went and saw it. This isn't a review of that movie. I don't need to review it. If anyone with half a brain saw it they knew right away how fictitious and ridiculous it was.
But, now they've made a sequel.
The sequel's premise is even more outlandish than the first one. A teacher (played by Melissa Joan Heart-- say it isn't so, Clarissa!) is brought to trial because she dared express her Christian faith in a classroom in Arkansas.
A teacher. In Arkansas. Who is religious. Being sued for expressing her religion. In Arkansas.
You've got to be fucking kidding me.
This truly is the work of some Christian nightmare. Complete fantasy. And, the only way they can make other Christians feel persecuted as well is by making up this story. I guarantee you there is a black screen at the end of the movie saying "This has been happening all over our Christian Nation. Don't let the liberals/democrats/atheists/ACLU win." or some other garbage.
In the 7th grade in Brandon, Florida I had a history teacher at Mann Middle School that would tell us daily about his love of god. He would tell us to read our bible. He insisted that he was a good Christian because he never let anything be on top of his bible. He brought that damn bible to his classroom and had it on his desk in plain sight all year long.
Don't give me that whiny bullshit about how Christians are persecuted in the classroom in the fucking bible belt.
You are not being persecuted when the rest of the community finally has the same rights as you do, you whiny, selfish, sniveling, liar Christian community. Grow up. Keep it in your homes and churches where it belongs.
Leave school alone to do its job. Teach your nonsense in your churches.
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Columbine is this city but it doesn't define it
I've lived in Denver for four years now. I frequently come up against clashes in culture between what I know and what the locals know. For example, the local weather report recently said that the day was starting out 'warm' at 29 degrees. My poor Floridian heart broke. It's been a long time since I wore flip-flops. I still think of socks as feet prisons.
But, with the release of Sue Klebold's new memoir about her son and his involvement with the Columbine High School shooting, I keep thinking about what I knew about that tragedy is far different than what the locals knew about it.
I've used my high school experience as a testament to how I was shaped by tragedy and the necessity for understanding different cultures, mental illness, and empathy for my fellow humans. My high school career started with the Columbine shooting during my freshman year and the horrific day of September 11th happening in my senior year. I always thought that because of these tragedies punctuating such an important time in my life that I should be more knowledgeable and sensitive to them.
Then, I moved to Colorado.
The city's knowledge of the events that April morning in 1999 are very much different than what I remember happening in a classroom just outside of Tampa, Florida. I remember being scared and confused about what was happening. I remember thinking that bad men must have attacked the school. I remember thinking that something like that would never happen at my school. No one at my school felt that angry. Obviously. (I was pretty naive)
We watched the news coverage in my social studies class. We went home to our parents and asked questions they didn't know how to answer. But, after a few weeks...it mostly faded. As a student involved with extracurricular activities, life just had to move on. This tragedy was sad...but VERY far away.
This city lived it. This was their backyard- their schoolhouse. Someplace that was supposed to be safe. They watched their children, their friends, their brothers, sisters, grandchildren, coworkers kids, etc, scramble for their lives through an army of SWAT teams and police tape. They learned the horror of having teenagers be the responsible parties. They questioned their neighbors ability to raise children. After all, these boy's parents weren't paying attention, how do you know who else is? There was more than a sense of shock, I'm sure. There was a sense of shock, awe, betrayal, disbelief, and a deep deep sorrow. Their city will never be the same.
After I moved to Denver, I started meeting more and more people who had been touched by the tragedy. A coworker who had a cousin at the school during the shooting, a boyfriend who once attended the school, a friend who lost a friend, an acquaintance who knew the shooters.
To them, this wasn't just a media sensation. This WAS their life. This was their community. This was something they all went through together. It's something they still work through, as a city. It's a tarnished spot on their history that they wear. Not with sorrow, but, not with pride. They wear it as a reminder. A reminder of what could happen. What could happen when we don't listen. What could happen when we stop caring about each other.
Is this city warm fuzzies and rainbows? Of course not. But, I can tell you that this city is a tight knit one. They won the Super Bowl and a million people showed up to celebrate. No real issues (save for a traffic nightmare). This city is relaxed, they are friendly...they don't particularly care for all the new people who have moved here after the legalization of marijuana but, they are willing to tolerate you.
The thing is, from what I've seen with news reports and stories, they do not tolerate bullying. When something happens at a school they take no chances. Lock-downs happen. Sensitivity training happens. All inclusiveness happens. Respect Life is a frequent motto that I see around the city. It's on license plates, billboards, and painted on the side of walls.
I can imagine that many locals would rather Columbine NOT be the first image that outsiders think about when they think of Denver. But, it's there. When the theater shooting happened in Aurora a year after I moved here, I got phone calls from my mom and sisters at 5am asking if I was OK. They immediately thought of Columbine. They told me that the city was dangerous. I'll admit to being nervous for a while.
Personally, I now think of Denver as a beautiful, mountain flanked, friendly city with so much to offer. I think of it as my home now. (Guess I'll have to get more used to socks)
This is going to sound awful, but, I wish more cities had something like this that would rock them to their core. I don't want cities to have tragedies. I just wish that more had a unifying experience- something larger than a Super Bowl win. Something that would bring them together to work as one.
Unfortunately, I see tragedies that bring a city or country together.....to hate another group (Thinking of 9/11). Or, they wallow in their suffering and never quite move past it (Looking at you, NOLA- Katrina was awful but we need to move on now).
Colorado has taken the tragedy and learned from it. That is truly inspiring. I hope to one day be able to call myself Coloradoan and be worthy of the title. Until then.....freaking socks.....
But, with the release of Sue Klebold's new memoir about her son and his involvement with the Columbine High School shooting, I keep thinking about what I knew about that tragedy is far different than what the locals knew about it.
I've used my high school experience as a testament to how I was shaped by tragedy and the necessity for understanding different cultures, mental illness, and empathy for my fellow humans. My high school career started with the Columbine shooting during my freshman year and the horrific day of September 11th happening in my senior year. I always thought that because of these tragedies punctuating such an important time in my life that I should be more knowledgeable and sensitive to them.
Then, I moved to Colorado.
The city's knowledge of the events that April morning in 1999 are very much different than what I remember happening in a classroom just outside of Tampa, Florida. I remember being scared and confused about what was happening. I remember thinking that bad men must have attacked the school. I remember thinking that something like that would never happen at my school. No one at my school felt that angry. Obviously. (I was pretty naive)
We watched the news coverage in my social studies class. We went home to our parents and asked questions they didn't know how to answer. But, after a few weeks...it mostly faded. As a student involved with extracurricular activities, life just had to move on. This tragedy was sad...but VERY far away.
This city lived it. This was their backyard- their schoolhouse. Someplace that was supposed to be safe. They watched their children, their friends, their brothers, sisters, grandchildren, coworkers kids, etc, scramble for their lives through an army of SWAT teams and police tape. They learned the horror of having teenagers be the responsible parties. They questioned their neighbors ability to raise children. After all, these boy's parents weren't paying attention, how do you know who else is? There was more than a sense of shock, I'm sure. There was a sense of shock, awe, betrayal, disbelief, and a deep deep sorrow. Their city will never be the same.
After I moved to Denver, I started meeting more and more people who had been touched by the tragedy. A coworker who had a cousin at the school during the shooting, a boyfriend who once attended the school, a friend who lost a friend, an acquaintance who knew the shooters.
To them, this wasn't just a media sensation. This WAS their life. This was their community. This was something they all went through together. It's something they still work through, as a city. It's a tarnished spot on their history that they wear. Not with sorrow, but, not with pride. They wear it as a reminder. A reminder of what could happen. What could happen when we don't listen. What could happen when we stop caring about each other.
Is this city warm fuzzies and rainbows? Of course not. But, I can tell you that this city is a tight knit one. They won the Super Bowl and a million people showed up to celebrate. No real issues (save for a traffic nightmare). This city is relaxed, they are friendly...they don't particularly care for all the new people who have moved here after the legalization of marijuana but, they are willing to tolerate you.
The thing is, from what I've seen with news reports and stories, they do not tolerate bullying. When something happens at a school they take no chances. Lock-downs happen. Sensitivity training happens. All inclusiveness happens. Respect Life is a frequent motto that I see around the city. It's on license plates, billboards, and painted on the side of walls.
I can imagine that many locals would rather Columbine NOT be the first image that outsiders think about when they think of Denver. But, it's there. When the theater shooting happened in Aurora a year after I moved here, I got phone calls from my mom and sisters at 5am asking if I was OK. They immediately thought of Columbine. They told me that the city was dangerous. I'll admit to being nervous for a while.
Personally, I now think of Denver as a beautiful, mountain flanked, friendly city with so much to offer. I think of it as my home now. (Guess I'll have to get more used to socks)
This is going to sound awful, but, I wish more cities had something like this that would rock them to their core. I don't want cities to have tragedies. I just wish that more had a unifying experience- something larger than a Super Bowl win. Something that would bring them together to work as one.
Unfortunately, I see tragedies that bring a city or country together.....to hate another group (Thinking of 9/11). Or, they wallow in their suffering and never quite move past it (Looking at you, NOLA- Katrina was awful but we need to move on now).
Colorado has taken the tragedy and learned from it. That is truly inspiring. I hope to one day be able to call myself Coloradoan and be worthy of the title. Until then.....freaking socks.....
Thursday, January 7, 2016
Easy There, Feminist Warrior
Something got my back up yesterday afternoon. And now I'm wondering if I reacted too hard.
I do a weekly podcast with a dear friend of mine. I adore this guy. He really is a good person. Very intelligent and caring.
Sometimes I feel like I have to remind him that I'm not an idiot.
He went through something traumatic, yes. He was involved with Scientology. It's a HUGE subject for him. It's his livelihood now. It's how he is getting his name and expertise out there.
I get that. I totally understand.
But, when I'm around him and the topic goes to Scientology.....I blank out. I don't contribute to the conversation anymore. How can I? I didn't go through it. I used to know nothing about it. Now I feel like I know more than the average person, thanks to him. Which I'm thankful for. Honestly. I really, really am happy to know more about it and him.
I'm so over the conversation though. I just wait until the subject is something else so I can once again be a part of it.
And, that's also my fault. I need to be more engaged so I can bring up other topics to which I can contribute.
But, here is where I got 'upidy', as my mother would put it. We're hosting a guest this week on our podcast. I'm excited about it. The guy is a cult extraction expert. That's freaking cool! My friend sent me an e-mail with an outline for the show. Sweet! (he's never done that before- he typically has one made when I get there and I only barely see it)
He then asks me to regulate him so he doesn't get too caught up in the conversation with the guest and I can make sure the verbiage stays plain. "Since you are not as familiar with this material as I am and can help rein me in if I get too interested in something (guest) is talking about and we lose track."
Not familiar? Dude, I've been studying cults for years. I took classes on them in college. Hell, I was technically in one, too. My former religion may not be considered a 'cult' to many because it's been the accepted religion for 2,000 years but that doesn't mean it's not a cult.
We had different experiences, yes. Your's was WAY more controlling and scary, yes. But, that doesn't make my experiences less important.
Perhaps this is my fault. I let this guy talk about his experiences every time we are around one another. I know more about his life than I think he knows about mine. But, I think he needed that. I've been out of my cult for several years now and I've got a good support system. He only left Scientology a couple of years ago and is still building healthy relationships with people outside. I was happy to be a friend for him. Still am.
But this constant idea of his that I don't know what he's talking about is getting really frustrating.
Is this just the leftovers from my experiences reminding me to be a good girl and just listen? Get over it, girl. He doesn't know my knowledge because I haven't been broadcasting it.
That ends today. I've studied for this podcast and this guest. I've got notes. I'm putting on my big girl glasses and dropping some knowledge on this bitch.
And, then I'll go explain to my friend why I got upset. Because being able to talk like adults is what stops all the damn drama.
I do a weekly podcast with a dear friend of mine. I adore this guy. He really is a good person. Very intelligent and caring.
Sometimes I feel like I have to remind him that I'm not an idiot.
He went through something traumatic, yes. He was involved with Scientology. It's a HUGE subject for him. It's his livelihood now. It's how he is getting his name and expertise out there.
I get that. I totally understand.
But, when I'm around him and the topic goes to Scientology.....I blank out. I don't contribute to the conversation anymore. How can I? I didn't go through it. I used to know nothing about it. Now I feel like I know more than the average person, thanks to him. Which I'm thankful for. Honestly. I really, really am happy to know more about it and him.
I'm so over the conversation though. I just wait until the subject is something else so I can once again be a part of it.
And, that's also my fault. I need to be more engaged so I can bring up other topics to which I can contribute.
But, here is where I got 'upidy', as my mother would put it. We're hosting a guest this week on our podcast. I'm excited about it. The guy is a cult extraction expert. That's freaking cool! My friend sent me an e-mail with an outline for the show. Sweet! (he's never done that before- he typically has one made when I get there and I only barely see it)
He then asks me to regulate him so he doesn't get too caught up in the conversation with the guest and I can make sure the verbiage stays plain. "Since you are not as familiar with this material as I am and can help rein me in if I get too interested in something (guest) is talking about and we lose track."
Not familiar? Dude, I've been studying cults for years. I took classes on them in college. Hell, I was technically in one, too. My former religion may not be considered a 'cult' to many because it's been the accepted religion for 2,000 years but that doesn't mean it's not a cult.
We had different experiences, yes. Your's was WAY more controlling and scary, yes. But, that doesn't make my experiences less important.
Perhaps this is my fault. I let this guy talk about his experiences every time we are around one another. I know more about his life than I think he knows about mine. But, I think he needed that. I've been out of my cult for several years now and I've got a good support system. He only left Scientology a couple of years ago and is still building healthy relationships with people outside. I was happy to be a friend for him. Still am.
But this constant idea of his that I don't know what he's talking about is getting really frustrating.
Is this just the leftovers from my experiences reminding me to be a good girl and just listen? Get over it, girl. He doesn't know my knowledge because I haven't been broadcasting it.
That ends today. I've studied for this podcast and this guest. I've got notes. I'm putting on my big girl glasses and dropping some knowledge on this bitch.
And, then I'll go explain to my friend why I got upset. Because being able to talk like adults is what stops all the damn drama.
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
"I'm not going to answer that and I'll forgive you for asking"
This is the best response I have ever heard when someone is asked, "When are you going to have a baby?"
This past weekend I was at the Secular Hub and got into a conversation with two other women about the decisions we have made about whether or not to have children. The other women both had decided to have children, one right away and another several years after she was married. The woman who waited spoke about how often she was asked about having children. Her husband, she said, was asked maybe once or twice about it but she was asked frequently. She developed the response of "I'm not going to answer that and I'll forgive you for asking."
It's beautiful. Not only does it firmly state that my reproductive decisions are none of your business, it points out that it's rude to ask and I shouldn't have to apologize for your rudeness.
I decided somewhere around middle school that I didn't want children. They were loud, sticky, time consuming, and expensive in my eyes. And, now that I'm in my 30's, that sentiment hasn't changed. Even though so many people have told me that it would change, it hasn't.
Hell, my boss told me I would change my mind in a few years when I first started working for her. (About 3 years and 6 months ago....no change)
I'm not financially stable enough for children. I'm not married. And, damn it, I don't want to.
Even if I WERE financially stable and married...why on EARTH would I want to have a kid? Add stress to my life? Potentially have a child with special needs that I'm not prepared for? Never travel again? Never again have a moments peace?
Just so I can have a little carbon copy of me? No thanks.
I even went to a gynecologist a few years ago and asked for permanent birth control. A procedure that would make it impossible for me to ever have kids. They told me to wait a few years before I made any 'rash decisions'. What if I got married and my husband wanted kids?
Then I fucking wouldn't have married him, you twat! I still want the damn procedure.
Okay, I get it. Children bring joy and happiness to their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. I have two nephews and I adore those kids. For the people who have always wanted kids, they are blessings and something that they can't imagine their life without. I totally get that.
It's not for me. And, I always thought that was a responsible decision on my part. I don't want them. I can't afford them. Isn't it better that I don't reproduce? One less kid that has a hard time in life?
One of my sisters had a REALLY hard time becoming pregnant. It took years, money, time, and stress on their lives before they were able to have my nephew. He's perfect. But it took a lot for him to get here. My sister would LOVE to have more. Her and her husband are wonderful parents and would be able to provide for more.
Do I feel bad that, if I were to try, I would be able to have a child easily? Yes. I would give her all my healthy lady bits so she could have more. Does she think badly toward me for choosing not to have children? Of course not. My sister understands that having kids is not for everyone. Many moms that I have spoken with have said that it's not something that someone should do halfheartedly.
So, why do so many women get the third degree when it comes to popping one out? Perhaps it's because for eons our species has hinged upon multiplying to carry on our genes? Maybe it's because so many people are religious and, at least in the bible, it says that we are to go forth and multiply? We all want to be Norman Rockwell paintings with the house, yard, dog, 2.5 kids, and a happy marriage?
Screw that. I like my apartment. I like that I can sleep in on the weekends. I like that I can decide to take an overnight trip last minute without having to worry about a dog; much less a kid. It's 2016. I don't have to be married to be happy. I don't have to have a house to be stable. I don't have to have offspring to have a fulfilling life.
And when did this subject become a regular thing to ask people? Why is reproducing a public conversation? Perhaps because society used to be WAY more reliant on one another. Our species has never grown out of this. I'm assuming this is also why abortion and birth control are so public. It just can't be something private because others refuse to butt the hell out.
So, when you ask me when I'm going to have children and I respond with "I'm not going to answer that and I'll forgive you for asking" please don't think I'm being a bitch. It's really none of your business. And, if I do explain that I don't want them, please don't assume you know better than me about my choices. I've thought about this. Believe me. I've HAD to think about this.
This past weekend I was at the Secular Hub and got into a conversation with two other women about the decisions we have made about whether or not to have children. The other women both had decided to have children, one right away and another several years after she was married. The woman who waited spoke about how often she was asked about having children. Her husband, she said, was asked maybe once or twice about it but she was asked frequently. She developed the response of "I'm not going to answer that and I'll forgive you for asking."
It's beautiful. Not only does it firmly state that my reproductive decisions are none of your business, it points out that it's rude to ask and I shouldn't have to apologize for your rudeness.
I decided somewhere around middle school that I didn't want children. They were loud, sticky, time consuming, and expensive in my eyes. And, now that I'm in my 30's, that sentiment hasn't changed. Even though so many people have told me that it would change, it hasn't.
Hell, my boss told me I would change my mind in a few years when I first started working for her. (About 3 years and 6 months ago....no change)
I'm not financially stable enough for children. I'm not married. And, damn it, I don't want to.
Even if I WERE financially stable and married...why on EARTH would I want to have a kid? Add stress to my life? Potentially have a child with special needs that I'm not prepared for? Never travel again? Never again have a moments peace?
Just so I can have a little carbon copy of me? No thanks.
I even went to a gynecologist a few years ago and asked for permanent birth control. A procedure that would make it impossible for me to ever have kids. They told me to wait a few years before I made any 'rash decisions'. What if I got married and my husband wanted kids?
Then I fucking wouldn't have married him, you twat! I still want the damn procedure.
Okay, I get it. Children bring joy and happiness to their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. I have two nephews and I adore those kids. For the people who have always wanted kids, they are blessings and something that they can't imagine their life without. I totally get that.
It's not for me. And, I always thought that was a responsible decision on my part. I don't want them. I can't afford them. Isn't it better that I don't reproduce? One less kid that has a hard time in life?
One of my sisters had a REALLY hard time becoming pregnant. It took years, money, time, and stress on their lives before they were able to have my nephew. He's perfect. But it took a lot for him to get here. My sister would LOVE to have more. Her and her husband are wonderful parents and would be able to provide for more.
Do I feel bad that, if I were to try, I would be able to have a child easily? Yes. I would give her all my healthy lady bits so she could have more. Does she think badly toward me for choosing not to have children? Of course not. My sister understands that having kids is not for everyone. Many moms that I have spoken with have said that it's not something that someone should do halfheartedly.
So, why do so many women get the third degree when it comes to popping one out? Perhaps it's because for eons our species has hinged upon multiplying to carry on our genes? Maybe it's because so many people are religious and, at least in the bible, it says that we are to go forth and multiply? We all want to be Norman Rockwell paintings with the house, yard, dog, 2.5 kids, and a happy marriage?
Screw that. I like my apartment. I like that I can sleep in on the weekends. I like that I can decide to take an overnight trip last minute without having to worry about a dog; much less a kid. It's 2016. I don't have to be married to be happy. I don't have to have a house to be stable. I don't have to have offspring to have a fulfilling life.
And when did this subject become a regular thing to ask people? Why is reproducing a public conversation? Perhaps because society used to be WAY more reliant on one another. Our species has never grown out of this. I'm assuming this is also why abortion and birth control are so public. It just can't be something private because others refuse to butt the hell out.
So, when you ask me when I'm going to have children and I respond with "I'm not going to answer that and I'll forgive you for asking" please don't think I'm being a bitch. It's really none of your business. And, if I do explain that I don't want them, please don't assume you know better than me about my choices. I've thought about this. Believe me. I've HAD to think about this.
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